See? you construct the critizism stuff and I deliver

AHHHHHHHHH NU CHIKI BRIKI I V DAMKE!

RAW: https://e-hentai.org/g/962261/3d2da70d59/

Original work by: katase minami

- http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?illust_id=56740568&mode=medium
- https://www.toranoana.jp/mailorder/article/04/0030/41/61/040030416149.html
-https://www.melonbooks.co.jp/detail/detail.php?product_id=163349

Jintsuu- san you feel it too don't you?

Tears of blood huh? Well, I guess she's happy. And damn, that puberty sure made a large mark on that kid. Thanks for the upload.

Base +17, jfragrettel +8, gansta +25, saibatenshi +5, finnick8 +7, see-eff +6, Hyoros +9, Shurikensei +7

Jintsuu porn aw yeah!

Base +13, jfragrettel +8, saibatenshi +5, finnick8 +7, see-eff +6, Hyoros +9

There's a lot that needs to change about the translation and typesetting here before you'll earn any real patronage. I would suggest looking for a quality checker, preferably one who is a native English speaker. Brush up on your Japanese while you're at it; it's very unprofessional to make mistakes like misreading さっき ("sakki" = before/just now) as さつき ("satsuki" = the fifth lunar month, sometimes used as a proper name), and if you want to be paid like a professional, you need to produce professional quality results.

Good luck!

Base +8, Mugen no Saga +7, Hodr +10, Xephir +18, Abweichung +6, Cadavrus +6, jindoko90 +6, bigp0weR +8, as102 +9, aeroarrow +6, Ice_Cream +12, wantfriends +4, Miriah +7, and 45 more...

Oh that admiral got battered up but still came back for her

Vanilla/10

Base +7, hermit20 +6, altofinale +6, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8, finnick8 +7, amurec80 +6, Hyoros +9

Don't credit yourself for your "trtanslation" more than you do the artist by putting your patreon on the credit page and then putting that before the actual work. Credits are supposed to be at the end.

Base +18, as102 +9, SuperGenericAnon +6, Ice_Cream +12, USS Hitman +5, Entendu +6, coloaaider -7, Xanith +6, SwordSentinel +10, The Naughty Shrink +6, Jago Smith +7, nonamethanks +19, JukanX +15, and 19 more...

>Zuikaku as Secretary Ship
Alright, the Admiral is a brother.

Base +6, jfragrettel +8, saibatenshi +5, see-eff +6, Hyoros +9

>sees the doujin

HOLY SHIT THEY DID IT-

>'poor grammar' tag

...fuck everything.

Base +6, Welcome to Gotham +6, sirlachdanan +22, G.L. +7, illegalcheese +9, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8, purrant +5, saibatenshi +5, kobatochandaisuki +8, Wanderlost +6, finnick8 +7, amurec80 +6, and 3 more...

I rated this piece two stars because I couldn't make heads or tails of the discussion topic from bubble to bubble, not to mention my puzzlement at how the flow of conversation turned out to be so poor.

Base +6, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8, purrant +5, amurec80 +6, see-eff +6

The difference between reading the English here and reading the Japanese in the raw work despite not knowing Japanese, is that i would have understood the Japanese one better.

Base +10, Rayachidon +6, G.L. +7, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8, purrant +5, see-eff +6, Hyoros -9

Some of the things that more or less immediately catch my attention...
p4
"Hey rookie, help me carrying her!" - Original: "ちょっとそこのアンタ、邪魔よっ どきなさいっ!!"
This is more "You there, you're in the way, get out!"

"There was...where I meet her" - original: "そこで彼女...陣痛と出会った"
"This is where I met this girl...Jintsuu", or something like this. It's referring to "this guardian office" so "There was" doesn't make sense.

p5
"Thanks you"
Thank you

"The admiral's cousin... Excellent grades..." original: "提督の従兄弟ね-...(似てない) 学業は優秀...と"
Completely missing the 似てない (they don't resemble each other)

"During the admiral's absence we will keep you, but ask me anything" original:"提督の不在の留守を預かってますなんでも聞いてください"
We will keep you? Sounds weird. "We will look after you" would be better. "なんでも聞いてください" sounds more like "So please listen to what we say"

"Satsuki was with a wounded woman..." original: "さっき大怪我してる女性とすれ違ったのですが"
Already pointed out by sgc_geh, that's sakki, not Satsuki.

"I don't know any about her, sorry...can I do something?" original: "あ...っか, 関係無いですよねすっ、すみませんっなんかその..."
"Anything", not "any". Looking at the original, I get the feeling he's rather saying something along the lines of "Ah, this doesn't concern me, doesn't it. I'm sorry."

"It is normal to get shocked the first time you saw it with your own eyes?"
"Isn't it normal..."

"From the bottom of the sea, the abyss fleet"
I'd say "fleet of the abyss" or "abyssal fleet"

"Our frontline is composed by girls and with those lots of soldiers" original: "私達の外見は女の子だしねぇ 気に入らない軍人さんも多いし"
"Composed of girls and lots of soldiers" - idk where the frontline thing is coming from. "My appearane is that of a girls, isn't it. There are many soldiers who don't like that."

Typos. "Ins't she", "Untill", "kep"

p7
"When we sank we don't leave any lineage nor origin" original:"沈んだら元も子もないんだけどね"
grammar. Also, jisho.org suggests "losing everything" rather than the literal translation.

p8
"About my scratches are almost cured but I still have some internal damage" - "だいたいの傷治っているのですが...内部のダメージがあって"
"My scratches have healed for the most part... I still have some internal damage though"

"I'm looking forward to sortieing!!! Well agin with Jintsuu! Jintsuu's carer, nice to meet you!" "出撃するよ那珂っ！行ってくるね神通ちゃん！神通の事よろしくうっ！"
Don't know what the "Well ag(a)in with Jintsuu" is supposed to mean. Looking at the original..."We're sortieing, Naka! We'll be back Jintsuu-chan! We'll leave Jintsuu in your care!"

p9
"Today I'm fine too" "Sendai-san" - "今日も元気ね" "川内さん達"
Is he? Where's that coming from? "Sendai-san is energetic today as well"

p10
"Lier" "ウソ"
What? Oh, "uso". Liar. "No way" would be more appropiate.

Base +14, Kighte +6, jessica702 +6, SinnedDevil +4, chcommunity +20, Vanguard3125 +6, Liquidreaper666 +3, Mugen no Saga +7, JukanX +15, sixinchnail +3, Ice_Cream +12, BFBK +6, as102 +9, and 18 more...

I think there are more grammar mistakes n shit pass the page 10 nyuue since this was ment to be translated from spanish. But there where some mistakes I didn't saw in the two versions THANK() YOU

Base +5, Zeowing -7, SleepyKitteh -2, spierdalacz -8, gansta -25, purrant -5, kobatochandaisuki -8, Olinn -7, see-eff -6, MSZ-008 -6

If you want people to support you on patreon i suggest to actually put some more effort in your translation, start by sizing the font better so it fits in the balloon and you don't have to write one word per line...
Your english also seems to be lacking so I would work on that as well, try also to learn common japanese expressions like "uso" that usually get misinterpreted by machine translators.
Anyway, thanks for the effort.

Base +7, ジブリール +5, jessica702 +6, JukanX +15, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8, purrant +5, see-eff +6, Teh_Red_Guy +11

Even CGRascal does better.

Base +4, ジブリール +5, jessica702 +6, SugarShane -6, JukanX +15, sirlachdanan +22, Ice_Cream +12, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8, purrant +5, saibatenshi +5, kobatochandaisuki +8, Wanderlost +6, and 8 more...

Yes, would agree with others that the aside from translation errors, the quality of the English is poor. You'd do well to get a native speaker to edit and proofread.

Base +12, jessica702 +6, illegalcheese +9, jfragrettel +8, purrant +5, Hyoros -9

Never thought I'd see a translation that is at a level that it even makes CGRascal of all folks seem like a good translator by comparison, and even bringing up a Patreon where as I am pretty sure even though his work isn't great CGRascal doesn't do it for the money? Piece of advice, work on your English skills, the quality of the translations, and establishing an actual base of followers before you throw out a Patreon and asking folks to throw their money at you.

Base +7, sirlachdanan +22, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8, purrant +5, see-eff +6, Hyoros -9, as102 +10, Teh_Red_Guy +11

Frankly put, it's not just your knowledge of Japanese is poor, it's also that your own grasp on English is poor. For example, on page 4, when sgc_geh told you it was 'sakki' (before/just now), not 'satsuki', he didn't mean just to swap the words out. Now the sentence makes even less sense than it did previously. Instead, it should read something like "So, the woman you were with just now..".

Japanese grammar is different from English grammar, so you can't just translate it to English wholesale. You need to swap the ordering around to make sense. That, and include punctuation, like learning where to put full stops and commas. If I were you, I would practice more first or hire a native English speaker to proof-read, before offering such services. The quality of the translation is just too poor to justify paying.

Base +6, ジブリール +5, faggotop +6, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8, purrant +5, -Shun- +21, amurec80 +6, see-eff +6, Hyoros -9, Shurikensei +7, as102 +10

Holy god. Japanese-to-english translations by someone who barely speaks english.

Base +7, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8, purrant +5, RefinedFapper +6

Excuse me, but I am going to go off on a rant here.
I will not lie and say that this is not bad, but some of you guys need to calm down with the abrasive remarks. He probably gets that he has poor English grammar from everyone's input.

Instead of constantly pointing that out alone, we should offer tips of improvement and point out mistakes with that input—like constructive criticism—not comparing him to CGRascal a person whose translations are erratic in quality. Not to mention, he has little to no improvement after years of translating.

In fact, why are we talking about CGRascal, we should be talking about what wasicsop did wrong not what CGRascal did right—as if what CGRascal did right was all that impressive enough to use as a measurement of standards. Comparing wasicsop to CGRascal is irrelevant and we should be focusing on giving wasicsop things he can improve and work on.

The bottom line is we should point out when they did a terrible job—like here—but not to destroy their self-esteem and make them feel bad; they already feel bad enough knowing they got slapped with a poor grammar tag, unless they are as dense as Laruffi. What we really want are good translations/translators, so do not drive off those with potential.
Yes, that is right! Wasicsop has potential and he also has the potential to turn this mess around.

My tip echos that of others when I suggest that you need to QC and proof-read—especially with punctuation.
Always punctuate the end of a sentence even if it is with a "~" (tilde), an "—" (em dash), or an "..." (ellipses). Just use something!

Edit: Interesting... I got a lot of dislikes for posting this—not sure why to be honest. I thought i made some good points on how to do criticism by criticizing others, but I guess a lot of you disagree with something i typed.
My point was CGRascal was irrelevant to how wasicsop performs because they are two different entities, and comparing him to CGRascal doesn't do much to help improve him. You're just telling him he's even worse compared to someone who is bad—without giving him constructive criticism. And even if you do, comparing him to CGRascal was uncalled for.

Also those giving him advice for translating from Japanese—after his reply—should realize it is futile because he said he translated it from Spanish.

Last edited on 10 March 2017, 01:54.

Base +5, LlamaKid -7, Rudiger111 +6, mathwizi2005 +10, cakaneru -8, Ghelna -10, krmit1 +6, faggotop -6, SleepyKitteh -2, spierdalacz -8, Mummel -6, undefinedghost +6, Braltewrakcus +9, and 8 more...

你们怎么讨论焦点是人家的语法很差？我都能读懂，你们能读懂我说的这段？no can no bb and 操你妈
(╬ﾟдﾟ)

Base +4, SleepyKitteh +2, jfragrettel +8

Okay, so we have a Spanish-to-English translator working on something that wasn't originally in Spanish. The source material you're using, wasicsop, was probably badly translated to Spanish in the first place if there are so many mistakes cropping up in the results here.

Here's the biggest and most important tip you should be taking away from all of this: never, ever translate from a translation. If you want something to translate from Spanish to English, look for something that was originally written in Spanish, not something that has been translated into Spanish. The results of doing a second-generation translation are never good.

For that matter, let me elaborate a little:
If you want to translate something from one language to another, you need to know the source language (in this case, Japanese) and the target language (in this case, English) thoroughly, and also you need another person who is skilled at those languages to check your work, with possibly a third person just focusing on the target language so that you know the results sound right. You also need to make sure to use the source language ONLY, no translation-of-a-translation stuff.

This would apply whether you're going from Japanese to Spanish to English, or from Chinese to Italian to Spanish, or whatever combination of languages are involved. Source->result. Nothing in between. That is the only way to get good results.

(edit: @Vanilla Cream
"Also those giving him advice for translating from Japanese—after his reply—should realize it is futile because he said he translated it from Spanish."
Don't make excuses for this. People are telling him to NOT DO THAT because the resutls are always terrible. He needs to know that this is something he should not do, not have his hand held and get a pat on the back and a there-there from you. You aren't doing him a favor.)

Last edited on 16 March 2019, 19:17.

Base +8, amurec80 +6, RefinedFapper +6, Traze +6, see-eff +6, rockingoldensamurai +7

Thank you for the translation. :)

Base +6, Hyoros +9

My gawd... I can't make heads or tails of this one. Horrible translation 😑

Base +6, amurec80 +6, Hyoros -9

@tripfriend1
Wow, I can't think of a more savage thing to say.
Look on the bright side, they're trying.
cgrascal hasn't improved since... ever?

Base +6