A rewritten addition to Jay Naylor's The Itch, the original comic posted here: https://e-hentai.org/g/1003110/015b19687f/

Yeah, it may not the best, the grammar and spelling is not accurate and the dialog may not fit with how the characters act and look but I just improvised the whole thing just to see if anything I wrote down was a lot better than the original comic, and I dare to say that it kind of is

You know, I have to say, I kind of like your version better. Nicely done.

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I am loving this version!
I did find the original to be a little to hearltess. :(

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Yeah I prefer this.

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here's the thing with Jay nalor's writing. He always writes everyone like a prick. they ALL act like everyone Else is a object. dunno why but It really turns me off from his stories because of that which is a Shame because his art style IS really damn good but his writing is horrible. i know there are people Who likes that sort of thing and i shouldn't read It if i dont like It and its precisely what i do. i Just red this onde because its a rewrite and It feels a hell of a Lot more natural. good job Viktor.

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Funny thing, this was actually the EASIEST one to rewrite. It's the other ones that requires more effort and thought to make it more... Well... NOT Naylor. And considering the weird shit he has drawn, that's saying a lot!

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Aw... look at the adorable little abominations.

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A vast improvement. Thanks TheVictor!

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Odd that killing off the husband made the story happier. Nice work.

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I see so many compliments but, I am gonna have to be that guy. The dialogue written here is not unlike a really poorly written ERP chatlog between two kids who barely knows what sex is. Also there is a bunch of grammar mistakes to boot. This was bad. It also lacks proper dialogue in moments where there is a bunch of emotion and feelings are, so it comes out robotic. You can say what you want about the original, but that does not make this example better.

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@ Macto Per Furor

Even if what you say is right and true, we feel better after reading/fapping to this, compared to reading/fapping to Naylor's exquisite way of calling everyone a cuck, or a cheater, or a mix of the two. This is fine for us, warts and all.

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@ Macto Per Furor

Yeah, I *did* admit in the uploader comment above that my grammar and spelling is not exactly the best thing out there (Hell, I'm amazed that I can even write anything in English that makes sense most of the time), but this was made just for laughs. Yeah, I simply improvised the whole thing, it took me like 30 minutes or to type in what I thought of in five minutes, save the pages and then upload them here again.

See, I *really* hate Jay Naylor, not as a person (even though I do hear that he is a colossal dick in real life as well) but his work. Like he can draw pretty damn good with good perspective, body proportions and all that jazz even though he tends to draw the head shapes human or furries the same way so it can be difficult to tell characters apart at times, especially when he draws them in black and white. But his writing skills are just so abysmal. Each comics he makes, has this heartless and depression tone in his material while depicting everyone is pretty much a low moralistic prick and treating everyone else as objects for their sexual release. He's got this weird obsession with cuckolding and cheating in general, and he can't seem to make up his mind about what he thinks of women. In one comic he treats them as disgusting sluts, then in the next he glorifies that same behavior. And then there are his political and social views, which he used to shove down people's throats with comics like "Better Days".

Every comic made by Jay Naylor is like watching the comic adaptation of Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" or any of Adam Sandler movies in the past decades. Yeah, I went there. Hell I even wrote this journal about how I feel about the guy and most of his comics titled "The Frank Miller of Furry Porn Comics" in which I coined the term "the Frank Miller syndrome", the condition based on the comic artist and writer Frank Miller who has gotten more and more insane with his writing until he reached his magnum opus insane and most offensive and highly controversial work, "Holy Terror".
The symptoms include displaying a great deal of being conceit and narcissistic, suffering from the Dunning–Kruger effect (the mental state of thinking that the person knows everything when in reality they have little to no knowledge of anything), the refusal to accept any creative or constructional criticism thus thinking that the critics are attacking the patient personally and will get defensive and react in anger by either verbal or most likely physical confrontations while displaying other negative traits including sexism, xenophobia, and extreme paranoia and last but not least, tunnel vision on how the real life actually is around him.

My point is that despite MY crappy spelling and writing skills, it is STILL far more superior than Naylor's original script for this comic and it has much more emotion and development than any of Naylor's previous comics combined. Think about that for a minute. Now, should I try to improve my writing skills and put them through some beta reading before? Oh hell yeah, most certainly but by the end of the day, this version is much more better.

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This is indeed a much better read than most Naylor worke.

If you decide to de-grimdark any of his other stuff, i think you would become a minor internet hero :)

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"it has much more emotion and development than any of Naylor's previous comics combined. Think about that for a minute."
This is a very stupid/arrogant statement. If you are so great, and can "fix" his works through 30 minutes (or whatever) of work, why are you piggybacking off of him? Do your own shit, and let that be judged independently. I could not finish reading your rework, it put me to sleep.

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@TheViktor

Ok calm down on riding that high horse of yours dude. You haven't done anything "good" here, all you've done is replace bad but memorable at least with bland and forgettable. Yeah Jay Naylor has some real story issues and the characters are mostly the same, there's no denying that. But at least there's something to them, this is just "cheating story #23" or something, there's nothing original or interesting in your version.

So sure, keep trying because his comics and stories certainly could be far more interesting with some proper writing behind them, but you're sounding like a real narcissistic prick when you're stating your version is "far superior" and with "has much more emotions" and shit. No man, it isn't. If people are to take you seriously you might wanna dial it down a notch and realize what level you're on.

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> but by the end of the day, this version is much more better.

Wow, now instead of shit with flies around it, it's just shit. Good job.

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@ revyfan1
Thanks! :D

And sorry everyone else, I was just getting way too passionate like I do about a lot of things that I hate. I should have simply said that yes, my spelling and grammar does suck and this rewrite is not really that good from start. So once again, I apologize and let's just move on.

And I really mean it, this comic was the EASIEST one to rewrite (yet I still managed to screw that one up, go figure XD). The other ones will require more effort buuuuut since my writing skills doesn't really sync with like say "The Gift", but I am genuinely curious about how you would write the comics?

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Yup. This should the sequel to Selfless Love

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Spelling & grammar can be worked on. I wouldn't mind seeing more rewrites. Keep at it, this was pretty good.

And yes, I totally agree with you on Frank Miller & others shoving politics or agendas into stories. Even if they are ideas I agree with, it can be annoying & distracting.

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I find it hilarious that Naylors writing is so hated that textless and rewritten versions of his comics are common. What makes it so infuriating is that he's convinced that's his best quality. He's done a tutorial in which he talks about how what makes a porn comic good is not so much the art but the scenarios and context and themes. BOLLOCKS! All it does for him is distract from his great art. Like he'll often have numerous panels be terrible closeups where you can't tell what's happening and each comic will feature so many timeskips that it's hard to get into the sex.

Point is your version is better

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You guys really need to see this XD

https://u18chan.com/board/u18chan/c/topic/1367711

The comments are like at first constructional and such until it becomes a massive flame war about... God I don't even know what...

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For me, the original plot was better. I mean a change of heart of the woman who HAD HER OWN SERIES OF GETTING WITH HER HUSBAND JUST BECAUSE OF ONE NIGHT AFFAIR doesn't make sense to me. The original plot also left some interesting questions that makes me to wait for the next series.

However, this rewrite is just plain and dull. It has no lingering affects and makes every character lust-thirty sluts & assholes. Leaving only bad tastes in my mount.

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Mnnh! happy end by Naylor???? oh wait rewrite, heh :p enjoyed the "happy non cuck/cheating" ending, if that makes any sense

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Can you turn this into a series or something? There tons of Naylor’s comics that can benefit from your rewriting.

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Wow, what a difference it makes when the characters actually CARE about the people in their lives. I'm confused as to who that other horse at the end is supposed to be if her husband is dead, but otherwise, solid re-write, TheViktor. Keep going! :)

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I think this one is okay (i guess)

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