Translated by InsanePreator
Edited by me
Raws: https://e-hentai.org/g/1222745/6369c95416/

is Takeda going to make the full lenght doujin version of this?

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"Translated"...

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Thanks~
Please remember to proofread. Plenty of voluntary proofreaders on here and /h/.

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I hope Takeda brings a new full doujin next comiket. Last one was so fucking good

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Thank you very much sir !!!

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I can second cockblockula's statement because it definitely needs one. Luckily, I'll provide one for you.
General suggestions and mistakes are listed here:
・Ellipses should only be three periods.
・You should enter a new line after one person finishes speaking to avoid confusion and set apart different speakers.
・P. 2: 1st panel — "I go to all-girls high school and I'm just one of the usual highschool girls....." should be "I go to an all-girls high school, and I'm just a typical high school girl...", or you could use "I go to an all-girls high school, and I'm just one of them typical high school girls...".
・P. 2: 1st panel — "I wish I could say that. But it seems that girls easily fall for me." should be "I wish I could say that, but it seems that girls easily fall for me."
・P. 2: 1st panel — Add a comma after "'Perhaps".
・P. 2: 2nd panel — The "'a'" in "'become a idol or not'" should be "'an'". Strangely enough you did it correctly the first time when it was "'Would you become an idol?'"
・P. 2: 2nd panel — The word "treats" should be "treated".
・P. 2: 3rd panel, 1st dialogue — Get rid of the comma before "'the producer can't support us all...'"
・P. 2: 3rd panel, 1st dialogue — Needs to be cleaned up at the bottom where dialogue is overlapping.
・P. 2: 3rd panel, 2nd dialogue — "'Yamashoro'" should be "'Yamashiro'", since the following pages states his name as such.
・P. 2: 3rd panel, 2nd dialogue — "'Nice to meet you! Big titty nee-chan'" should be "'Nice to meet you, big titty nee-chan!'"
・P. 2: 3rd panel, 2nd dialogue — Ellipses never precede a sentence, so get rid of the one before "In fact".
・P. 2: 3rd panel, 2nd dialogue — Don't cut off a word (in this case it's "especially"), but if you do, then use a hyphen split and add in a hyphen after a syllable in your intended word.
・P. 3: 1st dialogue — There needs to be a period after the last sentence.
・P. 3: 2nd dialogue — I can see remaining pieces of Japanese text in the background, so the paragraph could use a touch-up by being cleaned up in several place e.g. "me", "Yamashiro-san", "aren't", etc.
・P. 3: 2nd dialogue — Add a "That" or "What a" before the first sentence. Also, the word "speeking" should be "speaking", and add an "and" after comma.
・P. 3: 2nd dialogue — Get rid of the "of" after "You aren't aware", and "attract" should be changed to "attracts".
・P. 3: 2nd dialogue — Add a "that" after "old man".
・P. 3: 2nd dialogue — There should be something after "spread your legs more", e.g. wider or open.
・P. 3: 2nd dialogue — "If I told the president this, this would have become a big problem." should be "If I told the president about this, then this would've became a big problem."
・P. 3: 2nd dialogue — "But I couldn't do that..... because this is the first time someone treats me like this." should be "But I couldn't do it... because this was the first time someone had treated me like this."
・P. 3: 3rd dialogue — There should be an exclamation mark after "'Aaan'", and you should enter a new line for the next sentence to indicate it has switched speakers and to prevent confusion.
・P. 3: 3rd dialogue — "Why did you get wet? Sakuya~~" should be "Why did you get wet, Sakuya~?". (Tilde isn't really used in English, so I'm guessing it goes before the question mark.) Alternatively, you could use an interrobang (?! or !?) in place of ~?.
・P. 3: 3rd dialogue — There should be a period after "animal".
・P. 3: 3rd dialogue — "Like this way......." should be "Just like this...".
・P. 4: 1st dialogue — The word "oppressive" doesn't fit the situation it should be "forceful", and the phrase could be reduced to "forceful instructions".
・P. 4: 1st dialogue — There should be a comma after "So", and "demand" should be "demands".
・P. 4: 2nd dialogue — The sentence should be "Then I realized I had became his sex-slaved idol."
・P. 4: 3rd dialogue — The bottom half of the text could use some cleaning.
・P. 4: 3rd dialogue — You could use an ellipsis after "Sakuya's mouth" instead of a period.
・P. 4: 3rd dialogue — Punctuation is needed after "'Huhuhu'".
・P. 4: 3rd dialogue — The word "them" should be "it".
・P. 4: 4th dialogue — The first sentence should be "'Oooh! I'm cumming! My pussy! Soon!'", "'Oooh! I'm cumming from my pussy! Soon!'", or "'Oooh! Soon! I'm cumming from my pussy!'"
・P. 4: 4th dialogue — The second sentence should be "'The male who made me feel like a mere female animal...'" or "'The male who made me acknowledge I'm a mere female animal...'".
・P. 4: 5th dialogue — The first sentence should be "How is it, Sakuya?"
・P. 4: 5th dialogue — There should be some sort of punctuation after "Yamashiro-san".
・P. 4: 5th dialogue — "'You can still say something like that. Then...'" should be "If you can still say something like that, then I'll fuck your dick-craving pussy until you submit, my perverted princess." (This may not be a 1:1 translation of the sentence, but it sure makes much more sense than the butchered dialogue that was given.)
・P. 5: 1st dialogue — Get rid of the "'a'" in "'It's been a 2 weeks'".
・P. 5: 1st dialogue — Change the "'could'", in "'but I could'", to "'did'".
・P. 5: 2nd dialogue — Both the question mark and exclamtion mark would benefit being an interrobang instead.
・P. 5: 3rd dialogue — "'Why do you...'" should be "'Why did you...?'", and "'All of us worry about you'" should be "'All of us are worried about you!".
・P. 5: 4th dialogue — Change the "'!!'" to "'!'".
・P. 5: 4th dialogue — Change the period before "'But'" to a comma.
・P. 5: 4th dialogue — Punctuation is needed after "'Uunoooooooooh'".
・P. 5: 5th dialogue — The first sentence should be "Let him see your body that transformed from having sex with me nonstop for two weeks.
・P. 5: 5th dialogue — The "a" before "'idol'" should be an "'an'".
・P. 5: 5th dialogue — There needs to be a punctuation mark for the sentence within the parentheses.
・P. 6: 2nd dialogue — There needs to be a punctuation mark after "shameful state" and "for her".
・P. 6: 3rd dialogue — The quotes around "'Ex-idol Sakuya's AV debut'" should be apostrophes.
・P. 6: 3rd dialogue — The "at" in "We are aiming at the top" should be "for".
・P. 6: 4th dialogue — "'Talked'" should be "'talk'" and there needs to be a punctuation mark after "'apologizing'".
・P. 6: 4th dialogue — The word "'the'" before graduation should be "her".
・P. 6: 4th dialogue — The sentence "'She must become...'" should be "'She must become an AV Idol who squeezes the cum of every man who sees her.'"
・P. 6: 4th dialogue — The period before "'So'" should be a comma.
・P. 6 — There should be a punctuation mark after "'Goodbye'".
・P. 7: 1st dialogue — The first sentence should be "Six months had passed since that day..."
・P. 7: 1st dialogue — Her unit should be "L'Antica" instead of "'Antica'".
・P. 7: 1st dialogue — "'Think'" should be "thought".

P.S.
I skimmed through this and thought it was just a couple mistakes. I was wrong... very. For my sake, I hope you guys fix this.

Edit:
Definitely enjoyed it beforehand, and now it'll be even more enjoyable. I thought it would've taken longer for you to patch this up, but I guess that's a testament to your skills.
So, thanks for fixing this up, and keep up the good work.
(I noticed a you missed the "girl" after page 2's first dialogue (second sentence) "G" sticking out on page 2's last dialogue near "Especially", and the punctuation missing from page 6's "'Goodbye'"; I hope you don't mind fixing three more things.)

Last edited on 02 July 2018, 08:32.

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I really enjoy takeda work even if the plots are similar the art style and characters are so sexy

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@Vanilla Cream
Thank you very much for your support in the proofread. I edited the typesetter and corrected errors.
I hope you enjoy this doujin.

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Started out nice...but it became generic later on.

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