Not my style to be critical about free quality porn/art, but: - I think there's a big POV type image potential that is being completely missed here, for example I was waiting for a POV shot over her spreading her legs with her tits out on top of the car, and we only get those man ass shots and phone POV - Lots of shots/images could use japanese-style tweaks (keep the body and only change the facial expressions) - Maybe a little more fluids might help here and there (dick glistening is hard to do I know but some fluids leaking is nice)
And about the text, it's not bad, but it's a little too "conversation between equals". It feels like a realistic conversation a bf/gf would have, but there's little sexual arousal about it. He doesn't even really tempt her apart from looking at her.
Mental comments about what he wants to do to her, or how she feels about him looking at her might change a lot. Here they basically get in the car and she sucks his dick.
How about something like: "I wanna slip my hand under this top and play with her nipples until she starts rubbing her pussy on my legs" "he looks at me like he's about to grab me and push me on top of the car" "stop looking at my breasts like that, I'm getting wet..."
It's just my tastes ofc, but I think a more aggressive guy might make it a little less "let's just meet and fuck" than as is.
Great art anyway, I just wanted to throw my thoughts out there, but you still draw amazing porn.