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(2021-03 Akihabara Chou Doujinsai) [Popochichi (Yahiro Pochi)] Rental Kanojo Osawari Shimasu 04 (Kanojo, Okarishimasu) [English]

(2021年3月秋葉原超同人祭) [ぽぽちち (八尋ぽち)] レンタル彼女お触りします04 (彼女、お借りします) [英訳]

Doujinshi
K4to  PM
Posted:2021-03-31 13:58
Parent:None
Visible:Yes
Language:English  TR
File Size:75.35 MiB
Length:26 pages
Favorited:1712 times
Rating:
291
Average: 4.49

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Posted on 31 March 2021, 13:58 by:   K4to    PM
Uploader Comment
I tried my best with this one.
Posted on 31 March 2021, 14:29 by:   Noni    PM
Score +74
Posted on 31 March 2021, 15:28 by:   GreenIN    PM
Score +38
Extremely hot FMC but garbage MC. Couldn't imagine this spineless prick ever laying a hand on her. Amazing art and sex though this artist is awesome.
Posted on 31 March 2021, 16:32 by:   Kabato1    PM
Score +5
to be honest, i do not get the story :D a girl asked the boy if she can be his girlfriend. Then the other girl (who is she) tells him he should agree to her. And then the complete story is about the other girl but what is with the girl who wants to be his girlfriend? :/
Posted on 31 March 2021, 19:27 by:   the13thArcana    PM
Score +66
How come this has a better story than the original source material.

At least Kazuya has the guts to tell her things and fuck her.
Posted on 31 March 2021, 20:24 by:   Hectotane    PM
Score -13
A friendly reminder that I'm still doing this: https://www.pixiv.net/user/58113552/series/98104

Oh, and I'm currently doing a second season: https://www.pixiv.net/user/58113552/series/108291
Posted on 31 March 2021, 21:00 by:   Naruto0116    PM
Score +14
Nope... Not even this can remove the fact of how much that MC fucking sucks.
Posted on 03 April 2021, 20:01 by:   hihohahi    PM
Score +56
some translation is wrong...
Posted on 10 April 2021, 05:55 by:   Veralene    PM
Score +12
I was really hoping that this H-series would (if not stop at ch3) explore an alternate canon with a bolder Kazuya and have him be more straightforward with Mizuhara unlike the official series... I can't complain about getting more super hot Mizuhara drawings but still, a lil disappointed!
Posted on 03 May 2021, 04:15 by:   UnlimitedBlades    PM
Score -5
The cannon Kazuya is such trash, it's really great to see him reimagined by different H-artists. Yahiro does a great job lol. Like wtf look at skilled he is at handling Mizuhara, that's impossible for the og Kazuya. Yet he retains a bit of that spinelessness in that he still goes along with Mizuhara's whim in telling him to date Ruka hahaha. This odd passive aggressive way of pushing back is something I can see a tweaked Kazuya doing!
Posted on 03 May 2021, 05:28 by:   AlephFish    PM
Score +157
So this has a significant translation issue.

On page 9, your translation says “I cummed inside already. Too late.” That’s completely wrong. Here’s what the line actually says in Japanese: こんな所でイッたらダメだよ。He saying she’s not allowed to cum in the dressing room, nothing about having already cum himself! He’s intentionally teasing her, and putting off his own pleasure in the process. It turns him into a selfish jerk. (Which he is for ditching and cheering on his girlfriend, but in a different sense.)

Part of the reason why this matters so much is that the line intentionally parallels what he says on page 12. His line there reads: ダメだよこんな所でイッたら. All that changed is that he put the ダメ at the front of the sentence instead of the end. However, your translation reads, “It’s no good if you cum here.” It doesn’t match the dressing room scene at all. You lose that sense of teasing, where he’s using nearly the same line on her each time. You lose a big part of how he’s intentionally escalating the sexual tension in each scene in the same exact way.

Changing the pair of lines to something like, “If you came here, it’d be bad” and “It’d be bad if you came here” would retain that teasing, sexual tension across both scenes AND keep the phrasing parallels. It’s not quite a literal translation since ダメ doesn’t exactly mean ‘bad’, but the overall meaning is close.

A weaker option is sticking with your current translation on line 12, making the pair of sentences, “It’s no good if you cum here” and “If you cum here, it’s no good.” This phrasing is a bit awkward and uses a weird translation of ダメ for the situation, so I’m not fond of this option. (I think the not allowed/cannot definition for ダメ makes way more sense.)

Still, even if you took that latter approach, it’s far better than the current mistranslation. Even with awkward phrasing, it preserves the sexual tension on both sides until the very end. The current version is just bad. It turns him into a selfish jerk who stops pleasuring the girl once he gets his rocks off, then doesn’t reciprocate until the very end. It also ruins the sexual tension for US, since we don’t get to enjoy the long buildup.

There are other issues too, but this one really bothered me.
Last edited on 03 May 2021, 05:48.

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