The original dialogue in this one really didn't read well at all, but Shinn seemingly going into a trance over seeing an asshole was quite amusing.

This was requested by GW-9800. Probably won't be doing anything more like this for quite a while. Hoping to focus on some personal projects.

(whoops, maybe should've borrowed HASJ2's cleaned version)
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Artist's info:
Pixiv - https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/9040
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Translation info:
Translator: No.1 Idle
Typesetter: RainbowCatcherBM
Requested by GW-9800
No.1 Idle Translations: https://no1idletranslations.wordpress.com/

We also have a discord now. There's not much going on there yet but a few people have been asking about one so here it is.
discord.gg/ppDvfvAf5c
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Japanese raw: https://e-hentai.org/g/116806/293427fc41/

So, just a few critiques. Overall, not totally horrible translation.

1. The word is "hangar," not "hanger." The former is where vehicles are stored. The latter is what you use to store clothes in a closet.

2. There are a few slight mistranslations. See below.

p7
Meyrin: Onee-chan, no!
Actually: Onee-chan, you've got it wrong!

The important part here is "chigau no" is referring to how Luna has misunderstood the situation. She's not telling her sister "no," she's saying it's a misunderstanding.

Shinn: Hey, say something...
Actually: You tell her.

Totally different meaning.

Shinn/Rey: How many times did she mess up the control codes during that last battle?
Actually: How many times did Meyrin screw up the coordination codes during today's battle?

"Kansei code" is referring to how she's essentially the air traffic controller for the ship; it's her job to coordinate the actions of all vehicles assigned to the ship. So rather than "control codes," which sounds like a computer term, "coordination code" is a little closer to the intended meaning (that being code words for squadrons).

Luna: That has nothing to do with any of this!
Actually: What does that have to do with this situation right now!?

Slightly different meaning, and the 'aru no!' is actually a question. To which Shinn replies...

Shinn: Thanks to her we almost ended up getting taken out several times.
Actually: It has everything to do with it! Thanks to her I saw my life flash before my eyes more than once!

I embellished the end there; he's actually saying he was on the brink of death several times. But the point is that his line here that says "Oo ari da" is a direct response to Luna's "...aru no!?" from the previous panel.

Rey: I was between blue and orange... ...Right within the Tannhauser's line of fire.
Actually: Thanks to her confusing blue and orange... ...I was nearly shot down by our ship's Tannhäuser cannon.

Again, slightly different meaning here.

p8
Rey: That's for you to decide between each other.
Actually: That's for them to decide.

The "futari" in this context is Luna and Meyrin, not Shinn and Luna.

p13
Luna: ...Oh no...I'm...
Actually: ...No good... it's coming out...!

Why did you drop "deru" from your translation?

p17
Meyrin: It's going in. My body is being split apart.
Actually: Ahhhhh, it's going in! It's spreading my insides opennn!!

Kinda totally different here.

p21
Luna: His dick is going in and out of my butt.
Actually: There's a penis going in and out of my butt.

She specifically uses the clinical word 'penis' here, so best to keep it as-is.

Luna: Ah! Ah! I'm done. I can't stop it.
Actually: Ah! Ah!! Oh no, stop!

Close, but not quite.

Luna: My butt's being turned into a slurry while I'm in the middle of peeing~
Actually: My butt is getting fucked while I'm pissing myself~!

ZuboZubo is the thrusting action; as funny as 'slurry' is, 'fucking' is better here.

p22
Luna: Aaah, my mind's going blank~
Actually: Aah, his thrusts are reverberating in my skull!

"Atama ni hibiku" is to vibrate in one's head. Basically, his thrusts are pounding her all the way to her brain. Not that it's going blank.

p25
Luna: There's two dicks inside of me now.
Actually: There are two penises inside my body!

Again, she uses the clinical term "penis" rather than slang; this was an intentional choice by the author, so again, best to keep it.

p26
Luna: Nooo, your dicks are...
Actually: Nooo, the penises are...

See earlier comments.

p27
Luna: It's rubbing against the inside of my stomach.
Actually: They're hitting me so deep! They're grinding against each other through my insides!

Waaaaay off on this one.

Base +17, Doze2 +6, Braltewrakcus +10, Red of EHCOVE +60, romanicyte +14, IncognitoMaud +6, Xafnir +6

@Nomake Wan
I appreciate the critique. It's rare to get one to keep me in check. There's a few things you've pointed out that I feel are just an issue of deciding how to phrase the sentence in English, but there's also a few that are errors I should've caught the first time around. Not sure what the best way to respond to this is without making a huge wall of text but here goes.

1. [The word is "hangar," not "hanger."]
- Thanks, I'll fix this.

p7
[Actually: Onee-chan, you've got it wrong!]
- This was intentional. I figured it would fit in the bubble a little better than "you've got it wrong" which also always reads a bit more awkward to me.

[Shinn: Hey, say something...
Actually: You tell her.]
- This was also intentional. I didn't feel the difference in meaning was that large personally, but I understand your point.

[Shinn/Rey: How many times did she mess up the control codes during that last battle?
Actually: How many times did Meyrin screw up the coordination codes during today's battle?]
- I spent a while debating how to phrase this best and went for 'control' because of 'air traffic control'. I can see where you're coming from on this one.

[Luna: That has nothing to do with any of this!
Actually: What does that have to do with this situation right now!?]
- This was intentional on my part because I felt it read better personally. (see next point though)

[Shinn: Thanks to her we almost ended up getting taken out several times.
Actually: It has everything to do with it! Thanks to her I saw my life flash before my eyes more than once!
..."Oo ari da" is a direct response to Luna's "...aru no!?" from the previous panel.]
- I really appreciate this part. Good example of making sure I take the time to read the dialogue as a whole and not individual bubbles. I think I would've gone for something more similar to what you said above for the previous line if I'd been more aware of this when I was reading.

[Rey: I was between blue and orange... ...Right within the Tannhauser's line of fire.
Actually: Thanks to her confusing blue and orange... ...I was nearly shot down by our ship's Tannhäuser cannon.]
- This was actual confusion as to how the 間えで was being used. Thanks.

p8
[The "futari" in this context is Luna and Meyrin, not Shinn and Luna.]
- This was meant to be referring to Luna and Meyrin. Probably bad phrasing on my part.

p13
[Why did you drop "deru" from your translation?]
- This was intentional. I personally don't think "it's coming out" reads well in English when referring to this, the image shows what's happening, and the next page immediately follows up with her stating what's happening.

p17
[Meyrin: It's going in. My body is being split apart.]
Actually: Ahhhhh, it's going in! It's spreading my insides opennn!!
Kinda totally different here.]
- I think the meaning here is fairly similar. That was the intention at the very least, I'll admit I'm not the best at writing dirty talk though.

p21
[Luna: Ah! Ah! I'm done. I can't stop it.
Actually: Ah! Ah!! Oh no, stop!]
- 止めて, yep, you're right, that needs a fix.

[ZuboZubo is the thrusting action; as funny as 'slurry' is, 'fucking' is better here.]
- Looked around for this and most of the results I found referred to something being thrust in and out of something sloppy, which a butt normally isn't at first, which is why I went for this.

p22
[Luna: Aaah, my mind's going blank~
Actually: Aah, his thrusts are reverberating in my skull!]
-On a reread, I'm not too sure why I went for 'mind going blank' here.

p27
[Luna: It's rubbing against the inside of my stomach.
Actually: They're hitting me so deep! They're grinding against each other through my insides!]
I definitely had a short chat with someone about the best way to refer to two dicks rubbing against each other. Looks like I didn't go back and fix this bubble.

Base +7, Doze2 +6, Braltewrakcus +10, Red of EHCOVE +60

Sweet, very awesome update! Thank you for being so receptive to critique. I look forward to seeing more of your translations in the future!

Base +17, Doze2 +6

Love Kitani Sai! His works are so focused on orally pleasing pussy and ass. Wish he would do femdom stuff.

Base +4, fakewars +7