As a beginning translator, if anyone has any criticisms, I would love to hear them to allow me to produce higher quality translations for everyone reading. I believe this translation is much better than my first, and I hope everyone enjoys. I'm currently working on the next 2 in the series, but with uni finals those might be delayed a week or so.

Thanks,
OverdueTL

RAW: https://e-hentai.org/g/1922957/f8fd1a986f/
Buy RAW: https://www.dlsite.com/maniax/work/=/product_id/RJ316751.html
Follow Artist: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/583159

*Yes I already know about "calss" on page 4, and the missing effects on page 19. I noticed them, of course, right after uploading.

>if anyone has any criticisms, I would love to hear them to allow me to produce higher quality translations for everyone reading
Ok. I wanna preface this by saying that I will only focus on the editing aspect. Also, this is bretty gud for your second project. I'm glad to see you give a fuck.

To help you visualize most of my criticism, here are resources for you. The tutorials are especially well-made and should pull you through 95% of things you will ever encounter in scanlation:

General: https://quicksandscans.wordpress.com/resources/
Typesetting: https://web.archive.org/web/20190406011154/https://fallensyndicate.wordpress.com/typesetting-tutorial/
Redrawing: https://web.archive.org/web/20150421210157/http://www.redhawkscans.com/showthread.php?7057-Rain-s-Redraw-Tutorials
Basic cleaning (not useful for digital versions, but still): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glfdOwM3TFE

1. Please export black and white images as greyscaled PNGs, not RGB jpgs. This is to a) avoid artifacting; b) preserve quality; c) de-bloat.
2. Please redraw. I see you often remove JP text, but leave white blotches where it used to be. Redrawing the missing portions of the images after cleaning is (unfortunately) a basic aspect of scanlation. It requires time and practice, but this is the first thing that catches the eye and doing this correctly immediately puts you above 80% of other scanlators.
3. You might want to practice your typesetting. In this specific case, your text is waaay too big. General rules: text size should always match the original. Try to center your text. Make it aesthetically pleasing, but also try not to hyphenate like a madman.
4. Punctuate. You HAVE to punctuate in English, even for comics and manga. I know JP never punctuate minus the odd ellipses or question mark. This doesn't apply to English. Put periods at the end of your sentences, and commas where they need to be.
5. Fonts. Minimizing the amount of fonts you use like you did is good, but unless the RAW also only uses ONE font, you will want to diversify a little (dialogue, thoughts, screams/moans, handwritten.)
6. You pointed it out yourself, but yes, proofread. If mistakes slip through, you can always edit the gallery and upload the fixed pages (My Uploads => Manage).

Here you go. I'm sure you'll improve.

Base +13, TheOversizedMidget +6, myoxy +10, OverdueTL +1, underroad +8, nickapon +7, Syerathe +13, NeBuR1997 +6, Kudamaki +5, wishable +6, flere101 +6, Slowpoke-kun +8, MyraLune +7, and 9 more...

Aside from "calss" -- which you pointed out earlier -- here are a couple more minor suggested corrections:

P08
"Appointment", not "apointment".

P14
"Your sister will take charge of", not "Your sister will take charge in".

Thanks for translating this!

Base +37, Kudamaki +5, wishable +6, AquilaIrreale +6

Woaaah that was so cute
Thank you for the upload!

Base +6, catie001 +6, AquilaIrreale +6

Thanks for the translation, very excited to see your work in the future especially if it's more straight trap stuff. if you follow cutegyaru's advice above you'll be a top tier translator in no time.

Base +6, AquilaIrreale +6

Jolly good! Great read, and you've got great potential as a translator.

Base +7, AquilaIrreale +6

Mission failed successfully.

Also props to the comment thread giving stellar advice.

Base +9, Airotix +6