First, what the fuck is the font that was used? Maybe its acceptable for a few text bubbles but using it for an entire book is just...
Second, if you're going to translate SFX don't just slap english text over existing stuff where it's convenient without even cleaning the JP out first, and then ignore most of the other SFX.
Third, if you're going to 'translate' at least get someone that can write english at an acceptable level to proofread for you - this is riddled with obvious mistakes and its a shame to see Andou Shuki's work treated like this
Just a few suggestions to justify the poor grammar tag: p3: "Not only did you invite a hunter like me into your house, ..." "It's the first time I have tried this kind of meat" "It is meat that a friend..." コンコン (not even translated) -> Knock Knock "Then why is the whole village worried?"
p5: Inhalated isn't actually an english word, that should be "Inhaled" "By the way, you should spend the night here"
p9: "Can we swap" Also Matsuri's なのです speech tic isn't exactly an exclamation of pleasure
p11: "Matsuri-chan" "Isn't this a little too big"
p13: "So why don't you have fun with us all night"
Base +6, Yosh_ +12, Ass Spanker +25, fadefade +14, Braltewrakcus +10, Crusavy +6, sgc_geh +11, YosukeKobe +6, morganize +6, BXLVT +7, cutegyaru +15, neonredkill -6, dankestdungeon +22, and 4 more...