If you like it, please support the author by buying this book on:
https://book.dmm.co.jp/detail/k568agotp01049/

You can follow the author on Pixiv
https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/9815697

Also, I'm currently looking for proofreader.

Note to self: get character keychains.

Base +16, DerpyHerpaDerp +6, as102 +12, Cookiey99 +5, Jago Smith +8, bigscuba +8, bananaramadama-sama +7, ssjm1 +7, Toastkoro +7, asdfghfd +7, Tabristicaa +6, Nobunagun +6, xLucia~ +7, and 5 more...

p.28 ok, it was good on the ex to dump her, otherwise he would get ntr anyway.

Last edited on 24 August 2022, 02:11.

Base +8, itsame@ +7, DerpyHerpaDerp -6, Darknessend +6

rough grammar

You know A LOT of your problems could be solved by simply typing your script into Google Docs, right? Like, missing words.

every page: you almost punctuated everywhere. you should stay consistent
every page: Shirohara > you need to hyphenate if you break this apart.

p.4 [...] that smoking place, (comma) // we shared
p.8 not a mistake per se, but don't use Japanese quotation marks.
p.8 if it's me, i will never > if it was me, I'd never
p.12 she focus all over the tip > she's focusing on my tip
p.16 it's overflow > she's overflowing
p.17 if you suddenly suck that deep > suck me in that deep (your line implies she's sucking deep down his dickhole)
p.18 manage > managed
p.20 you wear > you wore
p.21 that never give > gives
p.22 i'm not wearing rubber > a
p.23 the first > the first guy
p.23 doing raw sex > having
p.23 you won't believe my words > very awkward. "you won't believe me."
p.24 doing raw > doing it raw
p.24 and i could feel her hot > why is this in the past when the rest of the narration is in the present?
p.25 your dick is still energetic > Japanese expression that translates poorly. "You're still raring to go."
p.26 how many we gonna > we're
p.27 this just > this is just
p.27 early > earlier
p.33 whenever you ready > you're

Base +17, DarkAngel2224 +6, GO_KENTA +24, Glovelove. +22, as102 +12, MAZIGA +6, Kacywang +6, dankestdungeon +22, Mr_Person +15, bigscuba +8, Biladsan +17, 1nhentai97 +6, cynamonbunz +38, and 19 more...

>Also, I'm currently looking for proofreader.
Yeah, sounds like you kinda need one.

Base +6, Nydu5 -6, bigscuba +8, GeniusDuck +6, cybeast93 +17, MechWarriorNY +10, Darknessend +6

@cutegyaru: Thanks as always, but here is what I want to say.

Lol, no. Google Docs do help, but only with bad grammar mistake. It won't help with Rough Grammar like you descript. This script actually use Google Docs since my last proofreader quit.

P23: It was a direct translation, yes. She said "atashi no koto(ba)...". I keep it since somehow she look like a character that wish to prove her word is her bond.

P25: I need to thank you again for this, I have no idea how to translate that part. She actually said that his dick hasn't gone limp yet.

Base +1, Palaxius +29, cybeast93 +17, zxczxcasdasd +7, crowns -6, zomozomo -6, Tabristicaa +6, Pinkie +14, Megaton +45, alllifeinfate +6

@ ero_ghoul I'm willing to try my hand at proofreading, I sent you a PM with more info.

Base +47, cybeast93 +17, wootwoot123 +6, 1nhentai97 +6, MechWarriorNY +10, Megaton +45, alllifeinfate +6

My penis didn't quite feel this one, but my heart did so thank you for sharing.

Base +6, PinguPrin +7, xLucia~ +7, Braltewrakcus +10

Page 35 "I can feel he..." should be him

Base +8, GeniusDuck +6

@ero_ghoul
You know "Atashi no koto" and "Atashi no kotoba" mean two completely different things, right?

Base +9, cybeast93 +17, GeniusDuck +6, dankestdungeon +22

@ero_ghoul there are some browser dictionaries (such as for Grammar and Spell Checker - LanguageTool) which offer punctuation aid. I find it works better than either Word or Google Docs.

Base +10, DJ_Puchuu +16