RAW: https://e-hentai.org/s/5c0ddb67b3/1780655-150

Chinese translation: https://e-hentai.org/g/2235849/1776cd7954/

Korean translation: https://e-hentai.org/g/2078990/70c07fde7e/

Base +33

the feeling when you find out your girlfriend is not a defenseless airhead

but a borderline exhibitionist pervert

Base +36, Sturmjager +14, Orc Skull +6, Jizz23 +6

ahh No Pants Day... must be Japan

Base +7

Something to ponder: what kind of madness could possess a man, and make him typeset with THAT font?

Base +7, plusarkos +6, aubrie paterson +6, WhatAreBordersF4our -1, psionicdecimator -12, jeof96 +7, ZeldaGuy21 +6, hykez +8, xchemistry +6, Revengeancedude77 +6, JumpingJellybeans +6, Ruckkus1411 -7, Diaboros +6

Please, for the love of God, learn Japanese. And probably English too.

1. Be consistent when you punctuate. Half your sentences have proper punctuation, the others do not.
2. Check guides below.
3. You literally omit every single heart too. They're part of the text and need to be ported over.

rough grammar

title: it's pantsu. panties. not pants LMAO
p.2 I'm wearing a mizugi > that's called a swimsuit
p.3 it's shaking > they're (referring to breasts)
p.3 feast for one's eyes > incomplete sentence. They're/This is a
p.3 they're giving her the dirty look > this doesn't mean what you think it means. "They're looking at her so lewdly." Yeah it sounds like shit, but you get the idea. Your sentence means something completely different.
p.3 No, in fact, it's a little too much... > this is nonsensical. Here's the JP: いや実際エロいんだけども・・・！It builds on the previous エロ. "Well, she actually is lewd as hell...!"
p.5 you're not wearing any panties on > cut "on"
p.7 forbidden to enter here > you don't "enter" a staircase, you enter a room or a building. you "go to" places
p.8 of course I'm curious > this doesn't have to do with curiosity. he's just distracted by her near-flashing herself all the time. "I mean, of course it'd be on my mind all day!"
p.8 See? ...my pussy > You see it? ...My pussy. or See? This is my... pussy. Either way your line is caveman speak.
p.8 huh? that's it > nonsensical because you mistranslated. "Huh? What the hell." or Huh? Wait, what?

General resources: https://quicksandscans.wordpress.com/resources/
Typesetting: https://web.archive.org/web/20190406011154/https://fallensyndicate.wordpress.com/typesetting-tutorial/
Redrawing: https://web.archive.org/web/20150421210157/http://www.redhawkscans.com/showthread.php?7057-Rain-s-Redraw-Tutorials
Basic cleaning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PANrCwHy630

Last edited on 30 August 2022, 04:11.

Base +17, Glovelove. +22, 789852 +6, Jouven +8, Scumbini +42, mdr33flame +7, sgc_geh +11, EaDThE +6, Taedium +6, Hideaki Anno +7, ZeldaGuy21 +6, unperro +6, Dudeguyman999 -4, and 20 more...

@ biscardone: You're free to do a better translation. That is, if you can.
EDIT
really proving my point here guys. No wonder you keep losing translators

Last edited on 30 August 2022, 02:58.

Base +4, 789852 -6, Loki The Flameshield -7, Fate Averruncus -8, Scumbini -30, mdr33flame -7, Nahkaparturi -6, PinguPrin -7, tehyar -13, bloopypoo -7, cybeast93 -17, Hardcorey -7, Riku351 -6, and 5 more...

@RiveraDanyube This ain't it, man. Being inexperienced is one thing, but if you aren't interested in taking criticism and improving your work then you shouldn't be uploading here, period.

Base +6, bloopypoo +7, ZeldaGuy21 +6, Orc Skull +6, Revengeancedude77 +6, elementalanubis +6, cynamonbunz +38, BlueSmoke +9, talking_goat +12, Ruckkus1411 -7

@OMJay cutegyaru's comment is criticism, biscard aint, imagine bitching over free stuff.

Base +4, WhatAreBordersF4our +1, bloopypoo -7, Chunga -19, Kacywang -6, Millennial -7, Hideaki Anno -7, tealsack -9, Glovelove. +22, ZeldaGuy21 -6, hykez -8, Orc Skull -6, Revengeancedude77 -6, and 6 more...

@RiveraDanyube I will take you up on your offer for @biscardone, but it will take some time because I am working on a roughly translated Yuru Camp doujin at the moment. And "being free" and "you try it yourself" are not defenses for the work produced. I hope you will take these extreme reactions as impetus to improve instead of dismissal.

We should try to maintain a certain level of quality and produced. If not on a graphic design level, at least on a translation and grammatical level. Please keep on practicing, and I hope for your improvement in the future!

Base +6, Taedium +6, hykez +8, elementalanubis +6, sable1 +25, cynamonbunz +38, funk_u_up +13, Riku351 +6, talking_goat +12, sohaiz +6, Ruckkus1411 -7

There is always worse shit around this place, but the critics just show when it is "cute hentai manga" I wonder why? *rolleyes*

Base +7, LRaglan -6, sohaiz -6, Ruckkus1411 +7

@cutegyaru thanks for providing constructive criticism

Base +6