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p.4 precious anniversary of our marriage > wedding anniversary. "wedding" refers to the event
p.5 so... as much as you want. > incomplete sentence. you know that Japanese is a highly contextual language, right? You can't actually just translate word for word and have a translation that makes sense in English
p.8 is it ok for you to come too much > this much
p.8 atago's anniversary > uh, I thought this was a wedding anniversary?
p.8 my tanks are excited > not technically a mistake, but you absolutely need to qualify this. milk tanks? horny?
p.9 I'm going to be spoiled like this. > I don't understand what this means, even by using context. Spoiled... as in rot? Spoiled because he's clingy...? I don't get it.
p.12 take on Takao-chan and me > and I

Base +17, as102 +12, darkwing42 +47, sitora +6, cybeast93 +18, Jouven +8, Megaton +45, MSTallgeese +11