This is my first time translating something and i'm sorry in advanced for my bad english as well.

this translation could have done with some proofreading

Base +12, Fighnjaci +13, Ripsmash +6, Spooky Ghost Butts +7, coolmanbis +6, wantdemloli +10, Washma Butt +9, Yeonduuu +3, Leonidas23 +8, @Inkblot +28, Zed01 +12, cynamonbunz +39, Danio +6

porn need more moments like page 13

Base +6, Eden of Shirock +6, errata +12, KuroToast +6, ketsm +6

Please have your work proofread by someone who can speak English if you aren't confident in your own skills.
You may think it's fine to post an utterly botched translation like this one, but that makes it so that the work is more unlikely to get a decent translation in the future.

Base +6, Ripsmash +6, Spooky Ghost Butts +7, Echoleon +6, coleccionista903 +6, IngmarS +7, Washma Butt +9, EricWolfan214 +11, RevZ +9, Yeonduuu +3, Leonidas23 +8, BonjoHiggins +6, @Inkblot +28, and 10 more...

Another great work wasted by a shitty translation. I did not cummed.

Base +6, wantdemloli +10, Yeonduuu +3, @Inkblot +28, TCJJ +9, Noret -6, Maeriden +8

It was good. Thank you, man.

Base +8, Yeonduuu -3, Leonidas23 -8, EvilSanta -6, TCJJ -9, Mastemo -8, Noret +6

Like others have mentioned, this 100% needs a proofread by someone who is a native English speaker. Especially if you are admitting that you are not confident in it.

Is there any particular reason for you to have chosen to translate into English as opposed to your native language? You shouldn't have translated something into a language you aren't confident in on top of it being your first time. You really need to understand the nuances between both languages to do a decent job, so I would suggest for you to first get comfortable at translating into your native language first.

As for cleaning, I can see a lot of random spots across the pages. Page 24 in particular, the colour you used to paint over the raw text doesn't match the text bubble which makes it stick out.

Personal pet peeve of mine but please don't typeset the first bubble of page 27 like that unless you absolutely have to.

Base +3, Scumbini +42, Washma Butt +9, EricWolfan214 +11, cybeast93 +20, Yeonduuu +3, BonjoHiggins +6, @Inkblot +28, funk_u_up +13, Zed01 +12, TCJJ +9, Mastemo +8, cynamonbunz +39

for rough TL

002
OG: いつも写真見てます
TL: "I always look up to your pictures"
ED: "I always look up your pictures"

OG: 画力っていうのは筋力に比例するんですよ
TL: "Drawing skills are pathetic physical strength is the real deal"
ED: drawing ability proportional to physical strength

OG: もしかしたら次のイベントでは上位存在（壁サー）に売り子とか頼まれて
TL: "What if in the next event she finds someone better (taller) that she could help instead of me"
ED: 壁サー doesn't mean "taller", it's a term for doujin circles that get placed by the walls at conventions (to deal with larger crowds since they're so popular)

OG: 莉桜センパイが同じジャンルなの珍しいなって思って会いに来ました♡♡
TL: "Rio-senpai we have the same theme it seems that we had the same idea ♡"
ED: "Rio-senpai I came to see you since it's rare for us to be under the same genre ♡"

004
OG: 売り子してたサークルの主さんがアフター撮影会用に取ってくれてたんですけど / 急遽中止になっちゃって持て余してたんです
TL: "I spoked to the manager and he told me that someone reserved this place to have a photo session but" / "He had to leave because of a hurry that was beyond his control"
ED: "The manager of the circle I was shopkeeping for was reserving this for a photoshoot afterwards, but it was cancelled all of a sudden, and there was nothing he could do"

005
OG: どこで撮っても映えるし
TL: "Every time I took a picture is so shiny"
ED: "Every picture looks great no matter where I take it"

006
you erased text where she talks about how she came underprepared since she thought she was only gonna be a vendor

007
OG: あまりにもお熱く語るので
TL: "After all, hearing so much about someone else's crush"
ED: she's only referring to how passionately Rio talked about him

008
OG: 使う機会なんか一生なさそうなのに / エッグいち〇ぽ持ってるオタク君
TL: For your whole life you had... / "An egg-like* dick, eh otaku-kun"
ED: she's guessing he has an amazing cock even though he'll never be able to use it

009
OG: 遊んで確かめてあげる / って言ってんです
TL: "I'll make sure to have fun with you" / "seems likely ♡"
ED: she's saying she'll play with it and see for herself (if it's worthy)

010
OG: まあセンパイので慣れてたら仕方ないですかね
TL: "Well just because it's from senpai's it can't be helped but to get use to"
ED: she's saying she can't blame him for not getting it up since he's into senpai

011
OG: 嫌なこととか思い出して気を紛らわせろ！！
TL: "Don't think about those unpleasent[sic] memories, distract yourself!"
ED: he's actually trying to remember unpleasant memories to distract himself

OG: 印刷代全部こっち持ちで合同相手に逃げられたこと！！
TL: "But a group of my rivals took all my printings and ran away"
ED: he's saying he had to pay for printing after his partners ditched

OG: しかも2冊しか売れてない
TL: "besides, my 2 books didn't even sell well"
ED: he only sold 2 copies

015
OG: 違いますからね？
TL: "You didn't get it?"
ED: he's saying there's a difference (between 2d and 3d)

OG: 喜ばない男いませんからねぇ
TL: "There is zero ungrateful guys here right?"
ED: she's saying there isn't a single man (anywhere, not just "here") who wouldn't appreciate it

020
OG: こんなに勃たせておいて / もういいってことはないですよね〜
TL: "If I do this you won't escape" / "So anyways...let's continue ok~♡"
ED: in response to him saying "we can stop", she's refusing since he has a raging erection

---

tagging for rough grammar

001
"...there is two heroines..."
"Is a good opportunity..."
"Let's begin with your measurements! / Is going to be super duper cute, I'm sure."
"When we're finish..."

002
"Now that I see it sideways, Rio-san outfit is very high cuality..."
"...helps me sale my books?"
"happend"

003
"custome"
"filtring"
"...what kind of things she talk about me"
"fisrt"

004
"...what do you thing?"
"I spoked to the manager..."
"he had to leave because of a hurry that was beyond his control"

005
"look at here sensei!"
"the room is so well-lighted"

008
"If in the train..."
"grooper..."
"An gross..."
"...artist / end up being..."
"nuicence"

009
"atend"

010
"...it can't be helped but to get use to"

011
"unpleasent"

012
"writen"
"theyre buttholes"
"your'e"
"the others otakus"

Last edited on 09 November 2022, 01:23.

Base +19, Washma Butt +9, EricWolfan214 +11, cybeast93 +20, ciqogire +1, Jouven +8, Yeonduuu +3, BonjoHiggins +6, Leonidas23 +8, funk_u_up +13, sgc_geh +11, TCJJ +9, Mastemo +8, and 3 more...

To add to this, you used the wrong 1280x downsized version of the images. Download the archive or download the non-downsized torrent.

Base +18, Washma Butt +9, cybeast93 +20, Yeonduuu +3, BonjoHiggins +6, Leonidas23 +8, @Inkblot +28, funk_u_up +13, Zed01 +12, sgc_geh +11, TCJJ +9, cynamonbunz +39, Maeriden +8

NGL if I knew this would be butchered as bad as it was I would've paid a good group to work on this myself...

I would stick to translating into your native language in the future, instead of English.

Last edited on 09 November 2022, 01:22.

Base +11, Yeonduuu +3, @Inkblot +28, funk_u_up +13, Zed01 +12, TCJJ +9

we are pretty much done as well, gonna upload in ~1 hour

also for this to not happen again, will say this, we are working on the next one as well.

Base +4, cybeast93 +20, Konazumi +6, bigbro000 +7, Yeonduuu +3, BonjoHiggins +6, Leonidas23 +8, biscardone +7, Zed01 +12, TCJJ +9, Mastemo +8, cynamonbunz +39

Alt English Translation: https://e-hentai.org/g/2372204/4cd49896c7/

Base +6, BonjoHiggins +6, Leonidas23 +8, gakkytron +6, Zed01 +12, TCJJ +9, Mastemo +8, cynamonbunz +39

I have read both TL but the other one sounds like localization at certain parts while it's true that this one has some rough grammar but I prefer this due to the meaning of what it was trying to convey.
ED1:
To point out one simple example:
p002
Original : いつも写真見てます
This TL: "I always look up to your pictures"
The other TL: "You look great in your pics"
DeepL Translator: "I always look at the pictures."

@Nata Translations
Practice makes perfect. At least you did better than me who do nothing, lol

Last edited on 09 November 2022, 13:29.

Base +10, sirskyrider -8, biscardone -7, sgc_geh -11, Hardcorey -7, TCJJ -9, Mastemo -8, funk_u_up -13

@NewhalfIsMale They don't really care. As long as the characters sounds like they are americans, they're perfect. You can release a translation that's fully in south american accent and you won't be butchered as much as this translator but rather be praised for your brazenness.

Base +9, Mastemo -8, cynamonbunz -30, Hardcorey -7, ToadnoChikara -11, funk_u_up -13

Cuality TL

Base +7

@NewhalfIsMale

This is tangential, but the example sentence you chose is actually interesting! It shows three problematic translations, each subject to a distinct pitfall. I'll do a quick write-up on each of these pitfalls, then how to improve things.

-----

1. Weak skills in output language cause mistranslations and misinterpretations

Nata's Translations: "I always look up to your pictures"

This is an issue where adding a single mistaken particle ('to') completely changes the meaning. The issue is the term 'look up' is completely distinct from the term 'look up to', despite sharing two identical words. Here are the relevant definitions:

* Look up: To enter a query into a database or search engine. E.g. "I looked up the store's hours." (Source: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/look_up )

* Look up to: To show respect or admiration for (someone); to see (someone) as a role model. E.g. "A boy should look up to his father." (Source: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/look_up_to)

I believe Nata probably meant "I always look up your pictures," which is close to the original Japanese phrase. (It's still slightly different, but not worth quibbling over.) The issue is that the translation actually says, "I always look up to your pictures." In other words, he sees those pictures as a role model or a person to emulate. Not Rio-san, but the pictures specifically! It makes the whole sentence super weird. It's also completely different from what the original artist tried to express here.

I want to mention that it's still a grammatically correct sentence—it just doesn't make sense in this context. As a counterpoint, if this was a doujin about some anthropomorphic photo who wants to be the best photo it could possibly be, this sentence would make perfect sense in that context.

Overall, it's best to be at a native or near-native level speaker in the output language. Small mistakes can completely distort what the original work tried to say.

-----

2. Unnecessary localization, especially when a solid direct translation is available.

marineveil's translation: "You look great in your pics"

Basically, this a small, but significant change from the original phrase. The original says something like, "I'm always looking at your pics/pictures." ('Pics' vs 'pictures' is interesting too, but don't worry about that for now.) That original phrase makes it sound like he's a long-term fan, regularly looking at Rio's pictures. In contrast, the translation sounds like the nameless fan's looking at Rio's pics at the very moment. Maybe he's someone who only recently found Rio's pictures, or saw them for the first time at this event. Who knows? It's slightly different from the original.

Okay, but this time, it isn't a big deal, right? It's a one-panel character, complimenting Rio as a cosplayer. In the context of this work, it doesn't change much. Besides, sometimes phrases don't translate well, so you have to do a bit of localization to make them work. This isn't that different, right?

Well, yeah, all of that's true. The problem is you should try to express the artist's voice as clearly as you can. Translation should try to keep the localization to a minimum, only using it when necessary. We should try to express the author's words as best as we can, simply because it's their work. Sure, we're translating for an English-speaking audience, so they're our audience too. But we're acting as intermediaries when translating, and shouldn't be telling our own stories. We should be conveying the author's story as best we can. We should try to keep the localizations to a minimum in favor of direct translations

Besides, even seemingly innocuous changes can come back to bite you unexpectedly. Think Pokemon, where Mr. Mime got localized into a "Mr." for the Red/Blue releases. Gold and Silver came out and, uh-oh, now we've got female Mr. Mimes. This was an unforced error in localization, where it worked in the context of a one-off game without gender, but the decision came back to bite them a couple years later.

(I've got another example, but it's too much of a rant, so I'll stick it at the bottom of this post.)

Still, in the case of this doujin, the translation with localizations is the better of the two. You lose some of the author's original words through gratuitous localization, but it does a better job of conveying the artist's words on the whole. You don't have issues where non-native English skills are introducing new or different meanings to the translation that didn't exist in the original. Honestly, I probably wouldn't even comment on those localization choices most of the time. (There are bigger fish to fry in terms of translation issues.) Still, this is an important translation skill to have.

Overall, less is more when it comes to localization. Try to keep it to a minimum to keep the author's voice intact.*

(Also, sometimes it's really hard to choose what's most important to translate. Think poetry. It you're translating a Basho haiku, is it more important to keep the 5-7-5 format or choose words that are more true to the original meanings? It's really tough. That's why you sometimes see entire books devoted to dissecting the translation of a single poem. It's basically a 200 page translation note.)

-----

3. DeepL doesn't have context.

DeepL Translator: "I always look at the pictures."

Of the three translations, it actually gives the most accurate standalone translation of that single phrase. It doesn't make the "look up to" mistake, nor does it localize it into a different phrase. It calls it 'the pictures' instead of your pictures, but as a standalone phrase, stripped of context, that's a good translation. This isn't too surprising, since this is one of the best case scenarios for DeepL: Short, straightforward sentences.

There's a little bit that I think it could translate better. For instance, 写真見てます can refer to something that is either currently ongoing (E.g. I am looking at your pictures RIGHT NOW) or that habitually happens (I look at your pictures every night before bed). Obviously, the habitual meaning makes more sense here, especially with いつも. That means "I always look at your pictures" is fine. However, I think translating it to "I'm always looking at your pictures" is slightly better. It's the rare case where the meaning remains obvious to an English reader, but the translation maintains the double-meaning from both senses of the phrase. (It's nice that ている translates well like that.) The original phrase is also slightly casual: it drops the particle を from 写真を見て and 見ています is shortened into 見てます. By going with 'I'm always' instead of 'I always', you can get the slight casualness from opting for 'I'm' instead of 'I am'. (You could emphasize the casualness even more by saying 'pics' instead of 'pictures', but I think introducing slang makes it more casual than the original. Others might disagree though.) Still, this is really nitpicky stuff. Using the DeepL version "I always look at your pictures" with the slight modification is still a solid translation.

As always, the problem is that it doesn't have the context. It doesn't know that it's a fan talking to a cosplayer about her photos, complimenting her at the purchase point of a probably-Comiket convention. As a result, it refers to 'the' pictures instead of 'your' pictures. This is the fatal flaw. Plus, it can butcher more complex sentences sometimes, although that's less relevant for this short sentence.

I think DeepL is a useful tool for a translator. Sometimes you're stuck on a translation for a dumb reason. Maybe your phrasing is simply awkward, or poorly written, and it finds a clearer way to express it. (I know I butcher English sentences sometimes, and I'm a native speaker.) Maybe you had an idiot-moment when reading that Japanese sentence, and you misread a word. Maybe you're even relying on it for a first-pass translation because you've got translation writer's block. (I hate that this exists.) Who knows? The point is DeepL can be a kind of sanity check or particularly dumb proofreader. You don't want to use it thoughtlessly, or in place of knowing Japanese or English, but it can actually improve the translation process.

But if you use it thoughtlessly, you're going to end up with a nonsense translation like "I always look at the pictures", which doesn't make sense.

Overall, DeepL can be useful tool, but be very careful about over-reliance on it. Be especially cautious if you don't have a solid understanding of the language it's using. It will make errors, and you're responsible for finding and correcting them. If you find you're relying too heavily on DeepL, ask yourself if you're really capable of bringing it up to standard for a public release.

(And if it's not up to public release standard, there's no shame in a personal translation. Plus, you don't have to worry about people chiding you for using the 1280x downsized images!)

-----

Incidentally, all three of these pitfalls can be somewhat addressed with a good proofreader. If your English is shaky, a native-speaker can find, point out, and correct those errors. If you're relying too heavily on localization, you probably want someone else to read through the Japanese text and point out the differences. (It's easy to accidentally localize.) If you're relying on DeepL, you'd better be proofreading.

-----

* So here's my tangent/rant. Kaguya-sama's official English translation (the Viz one, not the Zaibatsu one) had a similar problem. The translators decided to change how Kaguya always referred to Shirogane as "President." Instead, Viz decided she should always refer to him as Shirogane. Weird decision, alienates the fans, but within the context of the manga, not a big deal, right? Fast forward 60 chapters, and suddenly the original manga has Kaguya wondering what to call him now that he's no longer the student council president. Should she just call him Shirogane since he's not president anymore? You can imagine how this plays out after that change: A whole chapter where Kaguya's wondering if she should stop calling Shirogane 'Shirogane' because he's not the president anymore. At this point, how the FUCK is the official translation going to reconcile this chapter with their localization decision from 60 chapters ago? Answer: Pretty fucking badly.

Base +16, Maeriden +8

@ whalfIsMale: https://e-hentai.org/g/1465356/4f49a28ebf/ insufferable brat who think getting downvote mean people are triggered instead of getting rid of your wrong comment. You are adult with brain, re-read the gallery to see what inaccurate with what you guessed

Base +14