Hello! This is my first time scanning/translating/cleaning/typesetting anything, I hope my Japanese was good enough. Please let me know where I can make improvements.

Original: https://e-hentai.org/g/2444387/edb981da45/

Pretty good, for a first time

Base +8, cybeast93 +21, dkman5000 +6, Mistermd +6, Maxer123 +6, White Joker +27, a35240 +10, noitem1 +6, Scaylid00d +8

p.3 シャブ isn't jab. Probably refers to an upper/drug/pill here. "The fuck is wrong with that bitch? She looks like the kinda girl that likes fooling/partying around, but she's out cold after just one hit."

A lot of this is very slangy, so be careful. 遊んでる in this kind of context usually means to fool around (usually sexually), not "play" around.

Not bad for a first try. Here's guides and tips below.

1. Make sure you're consistent when you punctuate. Lots of missing periods.
2. Don't try to maintain Japanese phrases or grammatical structures. It makes your TL stilted, and sometimes even wrong. Maintain the original intent, but also make it sound natural in English. Tone and character voice are also important.
3. Your redrawing isn't bad, but sometimes it's obvious you missed spots.

General: https://quicksandscans.wordpress.com/resources/
Typesetting: https://web.archive.org/web/20190406011154/https://fallensyndicate.wordpress.com/typesetting-tutorial/
Redrawing: https://web.archive.org/web/20150421210157/http://www.redhawkscans.com/showthread.php?7057-Rain-s-Redraw-Tutorials

Base +22, cybeast93 +21, dkman5000 +6, Eden of Shirock +6, GenaroG +6, Kudamaki +12, messu +21, neo_skyline +23, Orion9137 +11, Maxer123 +6, GearZeroSky +20, pieman11 +11, White Joker +27, and 21 more...

More BA and AL, rip we wouldn't see more KC, just imagine a doujin with more recent characters.

Base +6

In page 15 "雑魚"(zako) should be translated as worthless/pathetic. "雑魚チンポ"(zakochinpo) is a mocking phase often used by mesugakis, so it should be something like 'useless/pathetic dick'.

Base +6, hm4ster +6, Bubblejum +6, IaNflip +11, namelisttt +1

>asanagi
my knees bend on their own

Base +2, 1rii +6, Justiiiceee +6, Loli Crusader +7, DesRed +6, Anon323 +15, dkman5000 +6, Stars R Kool +6, Eva Mika +9, eikzzz +6, Basileusser +6, argo047_ag +4

I expected the worst after seeing the cover but it looks like Asanagi-sensei even has lines he won’t cross

Base +6, Vormik -7, eaglered -6, Olivki -6, The Inker -8, BryneLern -6, Don Pencil -6, AwsomeItalian +6, Supahslm +6, GenaroG +6, djbubbles +17

page 15 might be the most respect asanagi ever showed to the female-gender

Base +6, Holyjay +16, Fanservicefan +20, hm4ster +6, Zaiup +6, seba19 +6, stuper +8, Gentleman Chimera +8, Justiiiceee +6, Bubblejum +6, Syerathe +13, Leo chan +6, ulyimos1sy +6, and 20 more...

Even Asanagi can't draw lewd Kita and Nijika.

Base +8, The Inker -8, sandisk3232 +7, AwsomeItalian +6, GenaroG +6, Stars R Kool +6, kurzwaltz messer +7, Basileusser +6

asanagi says trans rights

Base +6, Futbolni_Myachik -6, Deorem -6, Fanservicefan -20, umaydiebro -4, Mikyuun -6, Turok6 -6, lurker50 -7, BryneLern -6, Alaephant -7, Chickenm9 -7, Adsdgfv -6, Leo chan -6, and 24 more...

@cutegyaru Thanks for all the suggestions, 遊んでる was a bit awkward for me to figure out but "fool around" fits perfect. I misread シャブ as ジャブ on p.3 i assumed was a needle jab, you can see the used needle in the upper left corner, my bad there. Trying to redraw over the half-tone shading Asanagi does is a nightmare, the clone stamp tool can only help me so much.

@bloodrize Thanks for the suggestion for 雑魚. I knew I'd read it before but struggled finding a natural translation. I'll definitely use worthless/pathetic in future.

I'm not part of a group or anything, just doing this in my free time for fun, gonna focus on some of the older never translated gareki's next.

Base +6, Bubblejum +6, IaNflip +11, Brw +9, slisko +6, Stars R Kool +6, djbubbles +17

Page 16: Is Bridget playing the Circle game here? I wouldn't expect a Japanese artist to even know what that is.

Base +14, yuyuchan +9, Mayhem Maiden +6, paryo +6

Asanagi based at always.

Base +6, Azure13 +6, Eva Mika +9, tiduslaugh02 +6, paryo +6

>women are human beings
Damn Asanagi really exploring new horizons here.

Base +6, Feftak +18, DesRed +6, Nausea +7, theo980926 +6, Ost666 +6, Kurogal +19, idle all day +6, paryo +6, marioxx +6, Xigbarounet +7