p.1 I wonder when I'm gonna grow a penis... or similar p.4 You mean masturbation, right? I've done it before, but... p.31 My [chest has been thumping/heart has been pounding] the whole time. (in the raw she says ずっとココがドキドキしてる and I dunno if -teiru there means that it's still going as she's saying that sentence, or what, because it wasn't ‐してた but that might be a linguistic nuance I'm not familiar enough with, so it's either was or has been)
These are minor translation things that change enough nuance about the character to seem kind of important to me. Really great translation and good work overall, there were just those couple of small things that stood out in my mind.
Another ConTL, another rough translation. It's actually insane how little you guys improve, if at all.
Page 1 Your TL: nil JP: オレある Intent: missing
Page 2 Your TL: When we reached puberty, every damn year. JP: それは二人が二次性徴迎えてに俺は年々つきの天然性と無自覚さの... Intent: Your sentence is already nonsensical in English. They're reaching puberty EVERY year? The reason this is wrong is because ALL five boxes are actually a single thought.
Page 2 Your TL: Does it make him feel good? JP: これどっちも気持ちよく Intent: That's not what she's asking. The sentence is cut, but it says 気持ちよくない
Page 4 Your TL: You masturbate, right? JP: オナニーでしょ? Intent: She's referring to the act itself. See headphones992's comment.
Page 4 Your TL: I don't know what feeling good is like, do you? JP: 気持ちいいって感覚がわかんないんだよね? Intent: She's not asking him a question. She's also still referring to masturbation I don't really get the 'feeling good' part of it, y'know? This ties into the next bubbles.
Page 4 Your TL: I want to try sex. JP: こんなんじゃ私セックスも Intent: Not even close to what she's saying lmao Almost the opposite, in fact.
Page 6 Your TL: Even though I didn't want to lay a hand on her JP: 事故とはいえ Intent: You're making it sound he's been trying to hold himself back from sexual assault or something. He's just saying it's an accident.
Page 8 Your TL: Geez JP: もう~!いいから Intent: Kinda missing the whole point of this line, which is response to him asking her if it's ok (it is.)
Page 8 Your TL: Why are you so concerned about me? JP: なんで俺の方が気を使ってんだ... Intent: Thought. He's talking about himself caring about her.
Page 12 Your TL: Right now... this area in my stomach feels weird... and hot JP: 変なの・・・今はお腹のこの辺がぞわっ・・・してモヤモヤしてる Intent: Again, you're disconnecting lines and omitting. Not sure where hot comes from either. This is so weird... This spot on/inside my tummy is quivering... I'm feeling lightheaded...