is this meant to be a rewrite?

002
OG: 別にセックスが好きなわけではない
TL: "Another night of having sex I don't even like"
ED: he's just saying he doesn't particularly like having sex (directly related to narration on next page)

OG: あ、ここ好きなんだ
TL: "Oh! I like it there"
ED: wrong speaker

OG: 今びくってした
TL: "Let me do that"
ED: this line is about being surprised

OG: しゅきぃ♡
TL: N/A
ED: erased bubble

003
OG: ただ皆に愛されて大切にきれてきた子が / 俺みたいな人間に身体を許してしまう / その瞬間が見たいだけ /
TL: "A child who was loved and cherished by everyone" / "I let people like her take my body as they please" / "I just do this to get what I want"
ED: these aren't separate thoughts, they're all connected with the narration from the prev page. he just wants to see a lovable girl give her body up to someone like him

OG: 15時に西通りのカフェどうですか？
TL: N/A
ED: erased bubble

OG: 了解
TL: N/A
ED: erased bubble

OG: こういう空っぽそうな子とセックスするのは
TL: "Now I'm curious about doing it with this child"
ED: he talking about having sex with a shallow girl like her (directly related to next narration box and the prev page)

005
OG: はんぶんこね
TL: "Enjoy your meal"
ED: he's talking about sharing the food

OG: みいちゃん悪くないよ
TL; "Miki-chan it's not your fault"
ED: Mii-chan

006
OG: ね？簡単でしょ
TL: "Isn't that too easy?"
ED: he's showing the reader like "See? That was easy right?"

OG: そんな1日のはずだった / のに
TL: "Was it supposed to be like this?" / "Isn't it?"
ED: he's saying that's how the day was supposed to go (related to all of the prev narration)

008
OG: ねえみいちゃん
TL: "Hey Miki chan"
ED: Mii-chan

OG: ゆきくんももっと飲んで〜！
TL: "Do you want another one?"
ED: she's not asking

OG: う、うん…
TL: "Yuki-kun..."
ED: wrong speaker, he's complying

009
OG: ねチューしよ♡
TL: "Uhm Yuki-kun"
ED: she directly asks for a kiss

etc

Base +33, Scumbini +45, as102 +13, cutegyaru +23, dankestdungeon +24, howshi +6, Trips +9, wootwoot123 +6, PinguPrin +7, Ontology +6, TeilRuZ +6

Raw: https://e-hentai.org/g/2485622/a12f6d9c6c/

https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/105438539
https://www.dlsite.com/girls/work/=/product_id/RJ01021196.html/

Base +19, Trips +9, wootwoot123 +6