Raw: https://e-hentai.org/g/1770598/1b45b16830/
Chinese: https://e-hentai.org/g/1848237/e61c1328c6/

Base +19, Aksom +1

😁😁😁😁

Base +2

it looks like you made up a lot of lines or cut out a lot of what they were saying
especially in the handwritten bubbles

002
OG: 作戦開始！
TL: N/A

OG: ヌキヌキ雛ちゃん
TL: "Kagiyama"
ED: you only TLed the name and not the rest of the line

OG: 早苗さんの裏奉納祭
TL: "Moriya"
ED: you only TLed the name, except you got the name wrong too

OG: 私に体をゆだねてください
TL: "Give me more of your faith"
ED: she's not just asking for faith

003
OG: 最近山の上に越してきた神様家族に信者がとられちゃってね
TL: "The family of gods who just moved to the top of the mountain recently took in a believer of theirs"
ED: they didn't just take one believer

OG: それで私たちもあっちの真似をして信者を増やそうと思って
TL: "So we're doing the same in order to increase our faith"
ED: they're not trying to increase faith

005
OG: うおっ先端にダブルな刺激がッ！！
TL: "I can't take it!"
ED: he's specifically talking about both of them licking the tip

OG: あはッ♡イッパイ出たぁ
TL: "Woah!"
ED: this is more than just a "woah"

006
OG: これからがホ・ン・パ・ン
TL: "You know what comes next, right?"
ED: she's not asking, she tells him what's coming next

007
OG: 神様のおまんこ…
TL: "The pussy..."
ED: you split this line across two bubbles

OG: 甘い匂い
TL: "Of a god..."
ED: this is part of the prev bubble and I assume you didn't get this one so you just split the prev one in half

OG: んあッ～ッ
TL: "It went in!~"
ED: made up line

010
OG: ナカにちょうらい
TL: "Be honest."
ED: rewritten line and from the wrong speaker's pov

etc

Base +33, Reado931 +1, lazorboy96 +6, nueadkie +6

Japanese (RAW): https://e-hentai.org/g/1770598/1b45b16830/
Chinese (Translation): https://e-hentai.org/g/1848237/e61c1328c6/

Base +42