Good to read with SOBORO's works.

Base +7

> Our army was innumerable, 5 times more numerous than her army!

So her army was only 20% innumerable? No wonder they lost.

> Fortunately luckily

Doubleplusluckily

> The mistress of the place

Oh shit, the place.

> She accepted my demands, but that my time was limited, without giving details.

I think you're missing a verb or two there.

> After all, like all demons of Slaanesh, they are very jealous.

Incorrect pronoun for the subject. Also it should be daemons.

> Because [...] Miao Ying will be the trophy to conquer.

Very awkwardly worded.

> My sisters started by presenting jewelry to help the little wyrm not to use her powers! Thus, the winds of magic will be inaccessible to her and makes her even more desirable...

Holy hell, you can't use past, future and present tense in the same paragraph when describing a single event.

Forkonatable is a very skilled artist but he sorely needs an editor.

Last edited on 15 February 2024, 14:19.

Base +6, Twgravenblade -7, Darklock +10, SkullDraecos +6, membameplz +6, ExecutorBill +10, HopperPeril +5, Entroop -6, Olinn +7