It begs the question why do a translation that someone already completed. Like do you just not bother to check?
Then again, this reads a lot less messier than the previous one. I'd prefer this one up to the part where the sex happens, then it starts needing a editor.
The other translation IS kinda rough in some places, case in point page 8, when Ayane says she's looking for a 'rough friend', which never made sense IMHO; here it's much clearer: she's looking for a casual relationship.