You missed quite a few pages worth of text starting on page 14. I get not translating all of the SFX, but a good number of the speech bubbles are actually lines.
Page 14: "Na...nandakore suge" on the bottom Page 15: "Kimochi ii" on the top left Page 16: "Itadakimasu" on the top left Page 18: "deru, dechau" and "dase, naka dase" All of Page 22
The font also seems too basic and can be swapped to one of the common ones used in TLs, or more fanciful ones if you want to match the original text to a degree.
Overall, just pay a bit more attention on the final product before pushing it out.
I am slightly dissapointed that there was no "And the two lovebirds got arrested or spotted by somebody because they got horny and screwed in public" joke that's common in many works by Kosuke Haruhito.