This story will contain violence, death, and Gender Bending. Viewers, be advised. If you want access to more chapters or want to see my other works, then check out my Patreon:

patreon.com/RandoTG

You can also check out this link for my other comic, Succubus Sister:

https://e-hentai.org/g/3330529/09d616fd1c/

Ch1: 001-043
Ch2: 044-100

Journalist hobo will be fine, the detective used the blunt side of the weapon to inflict non-lethal damage! 😊

Better than being shot, that's for sure...

Base +6, qwerty98765 +6

Being knocked out by head trauma always leaves lasting brain injury. If "journalist hobo" is fine, it'll only be because this is fiction.

Anyway, I wonder why he did that.

Base +7, qwerty98765 +6, asheevee +6

You'll get the explanation in the next chapter. That being said, I hope the story wasn't too convoluted or logically inconsistent.

Base +4, qwerty98765 +6

@falafelswoop:

Presumably to get him to stop talking before the commissioner realized he knew the truth and killed him.

Base +6

Not sure if many people are interested in this comic, but I wanted to try out something different, a sort of femme fatal gender bender story, which was the reason why I didn't follow the story from the perspective of the person being gender bend and why I kept the identity of the woman a secret up until now, to add to the mystery.

I'm curious to hear, was it too obvious? Or does it feel nonsensical?
Regardless, the story explains everything in the upcoming chapters.

Base +5

The thing with extensive promise chapters (where you establish your plot points, build up tension etc) is that you fend off those people who are not interested in comics where nothing interesting happens for a long time. I mean, hundreds of pages without sex action on a hentai site won't get good scores most of the time. There are artists here who write in the same style and don't care about this and just create what they like. It depends on your objectives.
You have to have amazing payoff after that, and it will still be not enough many times because your audience is not there anymore | became bored.
That's why there are a lot of examples with cold open movie scenes (Raiders of the Lost Ark for movies, Slow Horses for TV) that set a tone and add a hook to a story to keep attention to slow parts. That applies to novels too (one example is Wheel of Time with Lews Therin prologue) and other types of media. On this site it could be something erotic/sexy, i guess.

A bit on a tangent. Brandon Sanderson likes to use this story in his university lectures:
There was an author who wrote high epic fantasy novel with a twist that appears in third act, where most of the cast dies and story turns into grim dark fantasy with gore etc. So reception of that book was atrocious, because those fans of high fantasy were turned away by gory part, and fans of grim dark novels never bought the book where you have to churn through 2/3 of the story to get to the good stuff!
He adds later that it can work sometimes with authors who are already established and/or have big fanbase that will accept any story without other factors; but most of the time it doesn't.

P.S. These Creative Writing lectures are good, btw! Engaging, at least, if not helpful. Strongly recommend them, if you haven't seen any. 2020 and 2025 classes were published by him or his staff on YT/@BrandSanderson, you can find them under Playlists tab; earlier years on other channels.

P.P.S. I think, it would be reasonable to publish this type of a story in one big chunk with action in the end and big cliffhanger as a hook. I mean that's what I would do if i ever decided to do smth similar. I'm not a creator/publisher though, so what do I know.

Last edited on 17 October 2025, 13:11.

Base +12, Willow Tindersmith +8

@Nitram Nede, thanks for the insight. I should have probably found a way to make the story more lewd in the slow parts. Your point in the Brando Sanderson example was also something I didn't consider.

When I initially started uploading Succubus Sister (my main comic), I noticed that the first 2 or 3 chapters didn't receive much attention. It wasn't until the gender-bending content that it really started to gain traction. I figured it would be the same for Fatal. But in hindsight, I should have probably released the story in a big chunk.

Base +5, Willow Tindersmith +8

The thing with lewdness is, it might be detrimental to your way of writing. If you're not happy with amount of pages, you can try to cramp some of them into one page (pages 37-40, probably, could be combined, for example), or congest a story into a tighter pace. There are a lot of ways to improve.
On the other hand, there are directors who like long panned shots in their movies and get away with that.

"The single worst thing that can happen in feedback is someone who's not appreciating the story you want to make, and they want to turn it into something else. <...> They want you to be a better writer, they want to help you. And the only way the know is to tell you how they would do it, which can be completely wrong for your story. <...> If you don't think about your story ahead of time, if you're not working from an outline, someone can come to you and say, "Man, it'd be so much better if you did this." And you're like, "My story need to have that. It was a romance, but now it needs a mystery."

And the next week someone says, "Oh, you know, if I were doing this, I'd make sure there were vampires." You're like, "Romances have vampires these days. I'd better write vampires into it. I mean, It was completely not a vampire story. It was a Regency, but now it's got vampires." And someone else is like, "Oh, I don't really like stories with female protagonists." And you go "I'll change the gender so that everyone-" You can just go completely spiral out of control with people giving you feedback and you taking it too sincerely." ­(C)

Base +12, Willow Tindersmith +8, Luffy98765_123 +5