Original: https://e-hentai.org/g/3520292/b3aa01f46a/

I'm not necessarily wholly against rewrites, and this is pretty hot, but it seems weird to cut pages from the original. Like shouldn't you try to include them all?

Base +6, Danjian +6, untraceablelarry +6

If you want to create a new story, it's better to just go all the way and rewrite, edit and reorder the structure.
What I want to get from this one is longer sex sequence with impregnation with breeding press as the climax, so this is the way.

I maybe should have find a way to integrate that paizuri scene though

Base +20, PinguPrin +7, JitteryJared +6, Danjian +6, Caffeinated +6, stelok +11, untraceablelarry +6

rewrite stories don’t belong here to begin with and its entirely wrong to vandalize someone's work even if they never see it ever. This site is meant to archive most doujinshi and manga scans or digital. This rewrite is a waste of space in the long term, if you want to be a writer of comics just make your own and commission someone for the artwork. this no different from plagiarism and getting credit for the artwork and script.

Base +7, Hurutmester -6