Hello! After years of reading mind control comics/doujins I wanted to take a crack at my own trashy mind control story. Please let me know what you think!

Made with modded Honey Select Studio Neo and GIMP

@bob13

That's a really good result for your first story. Pretty much a perfect subject in Samus when it comes to breaking a beautiful, high-status heroine that can be written to be heroic but come across as arrogant and haughty from the POV of our scummy protagonist.

Highlights are the dirty talk between them after he's fully broken her, particularly denouncing her devotion to justice and begging for forgiveness for being arrogant before. And the delightful injustice of him basically storing her in her own brig like a piece of cargo was a great note to end it on.

Good job! Hope you make more like this in the future.

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@Ficfactor

Thank you for your comment!

The dialogue was definitely one of the parts I constantly worked on throughout the project. One of the parts I constantly went back on was the first half, I wanted to really display how much Samus dispised the MC, which I hoped would make the breaking much more satisfying.

I definitely learned A LOT while making this, I think my favorite part was coming up with the SFX and other noises (MMMHHHGOUUGL!!-heart-), I have a newfound respect for people who have to come up with porn dialogue.

I have more ideas lined up, I'll probably make them shorter this time around (50+ pages on my first try was probably unwise). I love trashy mind control stories and dialogue so that'll be my focus.

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Excellent stuff, dude. Nothing gets me off harder than hypnotizing and taming strong sexy women, and I'm a huge Metroid fan. You made a great choice with Sammy, would even love more.
But I look forward to your next comic. You're a good writer.

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@Jaoi

Thank you so much for the compliment! The dialogue was honestly the hardest part and the script went through several rewrites all the way until release so I'm happy that people like it.

And my tastes definitely match, I think the best Mind Control stories are the ones that fully corrupt/break the heroine. Soulless robots/sex is not my cup of tea, but I understand why people are fans of those too.

Samus will return in a sequel, but I'll be working on some other mind control stories before then.

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@bob13

I can see you put effort into making our hero someone Samus abhors. Even making her initial unaware control an opportunity for her to insult him even more.

The sound effects were very good, actually. They added a lot to it. I hadn't considered how complicated they'd be to put into practice.

The only negative I'd feel strongly enough about to comment is the typos. There are a few spattered about the piece. It mightn't be the worst idea to ask a buddy to proofread.

It's wonderful to hear you'll be working on more content. Moreso to hear that you plan to have Sammy make a return!

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I think it was really good mind control story, it had a very good flow and built up the way I like them (getting really obsessed by the cock and so on) and I enjoyed the dialogue too. Well done!

My only real nitpick is that I would prefer the default text should be a bit larger, ,so it's easier to read on a phone. I would also have enjoyed it even more if not just her mind changed but her body too, like getting stupid large boobs or something, but that's just me.

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inb4 her name is samus, not metroid!

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You should put your name on the doujin so it's easy to find the future ones.

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@Ficfactor
Yes, I definitely should've proof-read my work more thoroughly

@kazutoyo
Funny you should mention phone, there's a story/style I have in mind for that. As for the extreme body modification/bimbo-ization, generally not my thing. If you haven't already you should find "Deep Love Hack - Compulsed Independent Evolution Program" I was super into the doujin until the extreme modification came into play!

@BlueDye
Thanks for the advice, added!

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Wow, that was fantastic~ You did an amazing job for your first time. I can't wait to see you do more!

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10/10 work. I’m eager to see more!

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As an aside since I didn't critic it in a previous post, I love mind control, your type of doujin is very close to what I like, but I typically like it with even more humiliation. Humiliation is like key for me. For example, she could be given more girly clothing, frilly skirts. Maybe she could lose her muscles, become plush bodied(not fat, just very busty/buxom). Maybe a girly hairstyle, pink, or even need protection from you. There are ways to do it without moving to the extreme! Just a few ideas I thought of.

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@BlueDye

Isn't that called Other M?

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@bob13
This is some great stuff, keep up the good work!

You wouldn't happen to have uploaded character card, would you?

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Other M doesn't exist

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Great comic! Can't wait for more from you!

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is bobbit still around

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