Support the artist:

english site: https://www.dlsite.com/ecchi-eng/work/=/product_id/RE249919.html

Japanese site: https://www.dlsite.com/maniax/work/=/product_id/RJ249919.html

This was originally meant to be me redoing my original translation from when I didn't know how to typeset or as much japanese. But it turned into my first real attempt at redrawing. I also removed the blue hue from the scan after discussing it with a friend. How's it look? Any tips for redrawing in the future?

Here is that shitty first version: https://e-hentai.org/g/1627529/b226926f3e/

Also to anyone with a better understanding of Japanese: On page 8 I translated"これから毎日こういう事してあげなくもないけど?" as "from now on I’ll have to do things like this for you ever day" based on what I could figure out. But I don't fully understand the grammar at work, specifically what あげなくもない really means. I know what ageru means but not the way its conjugated other than google translate saying it means "have to" but i thought that was nakya. Anyone else know?

As an editor for the Little White Butterflies scanlation group, you have 2 big problems with your work: the file size and the typesetting.

First, your file size is gigantic in comparison to the original (185.7 MB vs. 110.6 MB for the original). Page 9 is 21 MB alone, which should never be the case for any one single page. While you did save the pertinent files as greyscale, you didn't save them as either a 32-color or 64-color B/W PNG. A general rule of thumb is that your project should not be significantly larger than the RAW files. Saving your files (where applicable) as 32 or 64-color PNGs will help cut down your file size a lot.

Now for the main problem: your typesetting is awful. I'm guessing your font size is well over 100 point for almost all your bubbles, given how big the original files are. Basically, your text is way too big, crowding almost the entire bubble, and the way the text is shaped inside the bubbles is awful as well, with unnatural word hyphenation (wer- en't, for example) and single punctuation (question marks and exclamation marks in particular) on separate lines basically shrinking your bubbles' formatting by one line. Side note, most of your bubbles aren't fully cleaned, as I can see bits of the original text still left in many of them. As to your redraws, they're basically non-existent, as I can clearly see where you attempted to redraw lines and clone stamp background textures. Some parts don't even have redraws. Page 4 is the most egregious example. A drawing tablet works wonders for redrawing lines, as trying to redraw lines quickly with a mouse is almost impossible.

I'm going to assume you use Photoshop to edit. What most people don't realize is that you can adjust the margins of the paragraph line-by-line by clicking on the Paragraph icon in your vertical toolbar to the left of the Properties tab (it looks like a backwards P). From there, you can tweak line-by-line the margins so your text can fit into any shaped bubble without having to brute-force your text into weirdly shaped bubbles. As for your 100+ point font sizes, resizing the image by going to "Image", then "Image size", and the size via "Resolution" to make your font sizes a lot more manageable.

Since I'm not a translator, I can't comment on the veracity of your translation, but I will say this: if you have to ask people what entire lines mean because you, in your own words, don't fully understand the grammar at work, in my honest opinion: you need to improve your Japanese significantly before even attempting another translation. If you have doubts to that particular line, I can only fathom what other mistakes you've made translating this. But again, since I'm not a translator, I don't know what other mistakes you've made in your translation. If anybody with N2 or N1 Japanese proficiency wants to chime in on that particular point, go ahead.

Overall, your project is a step up from your previous gallery, but it still needs a lot of work. By the way, you could've simply cloned the previous gallery, uploaded the updated files, and went from there instead of creating an all-new gallery for this one. The more you know.

EDIT: If you're serious about improving your editing, here's a good discord channel for editing resources to improve your editing (which everybody can benefit from):
https://discord.com/channels/616922698626367488/616929720944033793
And 2 more sites for even more editing resources: https://quicksandscans.wordpress.com/resources/
https://forums.e-hentai.org/index.php?showtopic=68725

Last edited on 09 July 2020, 05:08.

Base +28, wedonttalkaboutit7 +4, Yuuko5X +6, TheOldDeus +7, Lexar917 +7, Clockwise +8, JukanX +25, PinguPrin +7, Chunga +18, megamanzerobasslink +7, King Emerald +6, TheGoodGiggle +7, Yosh_ +11, and 1 more...

@THDragon

Your tips on saving file size will be useful and I will look into those other tips with photoshop, I'm not going to be going for any tablets or whatever to redraw as I don't plan to do anything that majorly requires that and random sound effects are not necessary for people reading nor are they really important to me. The issues with typesetting were mostly a problem with this specific one, I noticed the cramped text but was reluctant to shrink the text any further as it was already hard to read in computer files, this could maybe be solved with shrinking the files as you suggested and is obviously not really an issue on the site. Other manga I've done were not this bad.

And if you looked at the comments of the original you'd see that I am doing translations to help study Japanese and some photoshop. I am a college student currently going into advanced Japanese and I could understand most of this manga while occasionally looking up kanji. I could understand that sentence but was curious what the grammar was because I had learned different ways to say what it translates to.

Those other sources will likely be useful though, thank you

Base +5, zedvalery +3

I don't have the time to correct everything that was translated incorrectly, so I'll just say that there was quite a lot. Concerning the line you asked about, in full context with the one that comes before, it means the following: "If you become my puppy and listen to everything I say, I wouldn't mind doing this for you every day, you know?" The grammer here is なくもない, which means "not impossible" or "could be", but in context of the sentence, "wouldn't mind" sounds more natural. Concerning the language, your biggest problem in my eyes is that you are too literal when translating. Try not to stick too closely to the original and make sure that the English version flows naturally from bubble to bubble.

Last edited on 14 July 2020, 08:14.

Base +9

Two things about the doujin itself

1) This means Aqua is actually useful at something.

2) How hard up is Kazuma for fap material that he has to use the blue thing. By his admission in the second ova, he mentioned he tried to get turned on by her and was unable to use her.

So... character development?

Base +6, Cmdrtimbt +6, Darksword696 +18, Pesmerga +6, OGAkun -7

Ugg.. character ruined tits are too big for her. I hate shitty artist that can't draw the characters as they are!

Base +12, sgourd -6, JJPG +7, Natsam -14, menschmaschine -6, edson -14, susu_357 -6, Fofotron -6, IncognitoMaud -6, crimsonkoba -7, pleasegivemesauce -7, sasman -15, HikariNiwa -6

Oh come on, we all know Kazama wouldn't fall for her tits.

Base +6, sleazeball +1, JJPG +7, OGAkun -7, bunchy bunchy +6