My first translation please be gentle.

Thank you for your help and suggestions, I'm working on them and I hope to improve as much as I can!

OH MY GOD, I JUST GOT SNIPED. i was literally planning to do this translation. Thank you. I can't believe it.

Base +6, not_broke +2, somercet +11

The translation overall seems to be OK except for a couple of items:

Page 3: "Maki-chan is good? Going to cum?" -- I haven't seen the raws, but I think it should be written as "Are you okay, Maki-chan? Are you about to cum?"

Page 1: "It's frustrating to be touched at the last minute." -- It's grammatically correct, but I don't exactly understand what it's supposed to mean. You may want to check the phrase used on the raws again.

Base +34, not_broke +2, bob620 +5, nix_uotan +6, J_Dawg +6, just Zombie +5

Raw: https://e-hentai.org/g/1722696/f333c1de27/
Thanks for the translation

I guess the only advice I can give is:
Don't put ellipses on a separate line like in page 3.
Ellipses should consist of 3 dots unless it's a really long pause.
Don't be afraid to edit your gallery to fix mistakes and/or make improvements, no matter how tiny it is.

Other than that you just need more experience

Base +7, not_broke +2, Dnkz +31, bob620 +5, White Joker +25, blue penguin +50, NeBuR1997 +6

general piece of advice, you can't literally translate japanese to english (aka "DO NOT WANTTT!", "you must endure"). You're best off trying to deduce context and meaning from what characters are saying and then rephrasing it in a way that fits English more while keeping the meaning and information the character conveys. This does not mean "americanize" or "westernize it" though.

Base +6, not_broke +2, sirskyrider +8, bob620 +5, Holovox +6, myztikrice +6, nix_uotan +6, ManlyMustacheMan +6, J_Dawg +6, just Zombie +5

>Asspussy
Cringe, please dont use that word.

Base +6, detkloo -6, flz -7, jaidendeck -9, White Joker -25, MedNed +6, z11a -6, nix_uotan -6, cynamonbunz +34, Nofxex -6, elvendrunk -11, Sylph_Doll -10, cherrynova147 +2, and 5 more...

>Asspussy
Hot, please keep using that word.

Base +6, twoinone +6, White Joker -25, MedNed -6, z11a +6, Mistermd +6, Tokenero -6, nix_uotan +6, cynamonbunz -30, Nofxex +6, ostrich1999 +6, Doutey +9, Mocka +19, and 10 more...

@meow_pao I think that line is meant to be something like

"It'd be a shock to be greeted with a dick at the last minute...

so I'm gonna show him right away"

Base +6, Nofxex +6, just Zombie +5, Dottboy +16, somercet +11

ringorm
if the original word was "oshirimanko", that literally translates to asspussy

Base +7, ostrich1999 +6, SeeMoore +5

This feels almost like a ripoff. Read this:

https://e-hentai.org/g/707789/3b0178db58/

Also "asspussy" is cringe af

Base +6, Known Unknown -6, Sylph_Doll -10, Doutey -9, etretr -6, Dragabont -6, ManlyMustacheMan -6, Dottboy -16

@Michruz
The RAW for this came out before 2007. Maybe it's the other way around?

Base +6, TheCatman-Meow +7

Cross dressing boy gets fucked in the ass is hardly an original idea

Base +6, Doutey +9, etretr +6, TheCatman-Meow +7

does it need to be original?

Base +6, TheCatman-Meow +7

worth the read for the last page gag alone

Base +6, azaza666 +7, TheCatman-Meow +7