This is my first published translation.

I can understand enough spoken japanese that with some internet help I often make translated pages for myself before the team harenchis, touhou project, desudesu, etc gets to em.

This was small enough that I just decided todo the whole thing, thinking I would translate and typeset it out in an afternoon, 3 solid days of my vacation later. I have a new respect for the simple art of moving the text in such a way that everything fits....

Since it looks halfway decent and I tried to keep the text as close as possible to correct I figured I may as well publish it.

Just FYI, it's in non-H like it's japanese version but it's obvious in the reading that the monster uses pleasure along with peeing to break them. Also the word she is saying to them is "shi shi", the western exact equivalent is "pee pee"(literally the same word you would teach a toddler).

I give myself a solid 5 out of 10, be gentle with your word savagery... Also I've noticed a couple spelling mistakes that will eat at me, i'll fix them soon.

I know a lot of people wants to be the little girl

Base +7, xaelath +6, eskhahe -6, Constipated_Guard +6, lordoftar +7, repeatedmeme +10, rid830 +6, BonoBono08 +6, hellgrace +6, jacquismt +5, ManlyMustacheMan +6, churnip +6, TheShortKeys +6, and 9 more...

Yep, especially in non h-settings.

Base +14, Riddik11 +7, xaelath +6, Constipated_Guard +6, churnip +6, TheShortKeys +6, Anonimous1234567890 +6, Pache +6, NebulaMaster +4, Nyx8t +4

If you think typesetting takes awhile, wait until you try editing a manga where you have to clean every page...
It’s actually painful, and really makes you appreciate white-out text bubbles.

Base +8, xaelath +6, Constipated_Guard +6, churnip +6, m42a +16

Thanks for the translation! It's so nice to see more kouji translated.

From a typesetting perspective you avoided newbie mistakes that make it look like garbage (like left justified text and crappy fonts).
It's perfectly readable as is but if you want to add some extra polish you should work on vertical centering the text in the bubble, adjusting the line spacing so it's not as crowded, and avoid very short lines in the middle of text by manually adding some line breaks.

For example you had

"Is my little
girl
playing games
with her toy
stick?"

You could have adjusted this to

"Is my
little girl
playing games
with her toy
stick?"

You roughly want a convex text shape to fill text bubbles.

Base +6, SilenceComes +6, ktkwon00 +8, DeltaX +10, Charlie99993 -6, churnip +6, generickitty +6, pirajacinto +6

So I guess the English translation answered my question that I put on the raw about whether she leaves or stays in the room with them

Base +6

ast4, it's literally like that in the original text. Also the author used page flipping as a story device. So it was a tossup between moving the text around and keeping true to the source. Thats why text is at the top and bottom of some bubbles. It was the story mechanic used in the raw. I agree and will probably take the rest of the odd breaks out. When they come out of the gas regressed the text was brutal in direct translation, halting, like helpless. girls. with line breaks

OH and JRS, yeah, she specifically used the word eternity. My translation skills aren't flawless but eternity translates well.

slvrwolflol OH man are you not kidding. I started editing out some text here and there to make room and was like. I'm soloing this bitch for my own enjoyment, I don't need SPEED LINES .lol

Plus Im adding up spelling errors and fking gimp with its default text tossed some sans serif in I noticed.

Still, for my first translation the response has been, acceptable... :D.

Base +6, Noirtier +7, ktkwon00 +8, Charlie99993 +6, churnip +6, TheShortKeys +6

Taking a Japanese to English translation, proofreading it it into something that reads like normal English (so, paraphrasing it), and making it fit into mostly vertical text bubbles, can be a really fun challenge.

Base +12, churnip +6

That's pretty terrifying.

Base +7, AhKai +6, churnip -6, ColdhardSilver +6, generickitty +6, NebulaMaster +4, caveman84 +6, Nyx8t +4, Afganitia +5, smileyrat +6

The story is interpreted well enough, some mistranslations along the way. Has some stylistic choices that are pretty solid. On the whole, it works.

Base +8, Afganitia +5

@Lolification The mistranslations were more likely intentional... coloring. It was almost verbatim to a sailor moon fanfic I did like 20 years ago so I kept the bus on the road, but some of the cars along the route don't look so good anymore? Like "little girl" was used way more and "baby" used like twice. I did honestly try to maintain the seminal idea while taking it into english. This was like the 4th edit taking it closer to the source text than my 1st personal version was( i was looking it over before the upload and realized I was too far off to call it a real translation). On the new upload edit I have music notes and hearts back in which helps show whose talking.Thank God for OCR, I'm badly dyslexic so learning to read/write Japanese isn't likely (although I'm trying)... Just so I know it was intentional, what's the most jarring translation errors?

Base +6

needs a bit more diaper stuff, like possibly teaching the girls how it feels to have cummies in their diapers

Base +6, churnip -6, Sissy Camilla -2, Anonimous1234567890 -6, Spyromancy -6, caveman84 -6, Nyx8t -4, Sarptos +6, Mr. Watcher +6, efctjo -6, serhumanolegal +1, smileyrat +6, gweh -29, and 1 more...

I'd say your 5/10 self-rating is probably fair for this first attempt. Just being willing to do the work is a good percentage of succeeding

You seem pretty worried about your spelling, but it's mostly solid. Grammar and punctuation are where you stumbled. Just on page 1 we have "They send monsters and assassins, we need to find the source and stop them", "Be careful you two it's a monster!", "They are taking children that's terrible!" (all run-on sentences), and "Whose going in first?" (should've used "who's"). That's probably where you'd be better off focusing any efforts at improvement.

Thumbs up.

Base +6

I'd say you blew 5/10 out of the water, consistent work, never had to wonder what each speech bubble was supposed to say, i'd give it an 8 easily

Base +5, pirajacinto +6

7/10 translation, just needs a little polishing but it reads well and I'm fine with the liberties you took. Hentai creators don't always write the best dialogue.
Also, very good Sentai regression story, really glad it focused more on their regression rather than going over the top with lewd stuff. And contrasting Sentai imagery with Precure imagery is a specific form of sissification that I now adore.

Base +6, Fylo +6, pirajacinto +6, NebulaMaster +5, Masada-sensei +6

This isn't non-H

Base +6