Comic commissioned by cz144

Please tell me that this is Ongoing and that there's more of this coming...

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Last page was posted 2 days ago, so looks like ongoing

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How can you be so good at anatomy yet so bad at faces

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I also hope there is more coming I enjoyed it

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Hooking up with someone at a bar has to be one of the simplest stories to write, and I know we're not talking about Pulitzer material here, but... this is just bad.

"That meeting was so boring!"
Considering how long it had to have been between then and now, that meeting must have been TRAUMATICALLY boring if you're still on about it several hours later. Or is the implication that the meeting JUST happened, which was held in a penthouse-level bar with drinks and snacks served at this time of night for some reason?

"She looked just like me."
...No. No she didn't. Not at all.

"This place wasn't her style."
That'd be easier to believe if she wasn't dressed as elegantly as everyone else is. Give her some piercings, unusual hair color, some tats, a tanktop and ratty jeans... This place looks TOTALLY her style.

"Get it? Because you are a wolf!"
I thought he was a cat, to be honest.

"In the end we didn't even drink."
That must've been awkward. You offer her a drink, she accepts, and then... what? You just forgot about it? However little alcohol was enjoyed, the drinks should at least be PRESENT in this panel.

"We just stayed there, talking about nerdy stuff."
Not that we actually SEE any of that, but trust us! The personal connection beyond just superficial attraction is there!

"She never danced before but we had fun!"
Yes, she never danced before, but she's attempting it NOW in that dress with those heels, and without the influence of alcohol to lower her inhibitions. Whatever personal issues she has with herself that's prevented her from dancing her entire life are completely out the window just because she spent a few minutes talking to this guy about "nerdy stuff". Right...

"What happened after that... it's private!"
That's the kind of thing a narrator says as he's ENDING the story. Why say that when the comic still has several pages of story to tell us?

"You are beautYful!"
"Oh hush! You don't need to lie at this point!"
Assuming that this girl is somehow NOT convinced of how good she looks BEFORE she got herself all dolled up to go to this bar for the sole purpose of hooking up (how many OTHER guys had hit on her tonight before our narrator noticed her, I wonder?), that's the kind of thing you say to someone when they're first trying to introduce themselves to you, not when you're seconds away from fucking each others' brains out.

"Let's see what you are hiding!"
"Wait!"
What, were you expecting to somehow hook up with this woman WITHOUT showing her your junk?

"Oh! H-how do you even walk?!?"
"Look... I understand if it's too much, you wouldn't be the f(irst.)"
Lady, you're a ZEBRA. You can't possibly be THIS impressed by whatever this "wolf" is packing. And yeah... this guy's cock is so big that he scares away every woman he meets... Are they intimidated by your massive bank account too?

"I ain't that shallow! I wouldn't be also into girls if I only liked huge penises!"
Oh yes, and this drop-dead-gorgeous woman is also BI, firmly establishing the prospect of potential threeways with OTHER hotties who miraculously won't be terrified of his giant cock, I'm sure. A better indication of how not-shallow she is would be if this wolf had a more realistically-sized cock (which MIGHT look small, since she points out that she's equine, and ergo used to the LARGER things in life), and we see her getting hit on by and turning down a rather burly-looking horse when she's introduced to us. Saying she's not a size-queen when she's clearly enamored by the size of his cock is just paying lip service.

I know every writer brings their own interests and turn-ons into stories like this, but this just reads like that Dragon Ball Z fanfic parody that Dorkly made.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6WYxD17Wn0

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What the fuck is above my comment

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@RobDollar

You do make some good points, but...

""She looked just like me."
...No. No she didn't. Not at all."

He meant she looked bored. It's a basic metaphor. Your inability to grasp basic metaphors makes the rest of your argument flimsy.

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@AhumanRS
It's called criticism. And here's some MORE.

"Oh my... here we go."
"Later, brain!"
Usually dialogue balloons drawn with dotted-lines are supposed to imply whispering. Is her brain whispering to herself? If she's having a conversation with her own mind, her internal monologue should be inside a traditional fluffy thought cloud.

@Lord Dashwood
So I make some GOOD points, but because I don't understand one 'basic metaphor' (which is one hell of a stretch, if the idea is that she looked bored), that invalidates everything I said? Whatevs...

"By the way, what about that skunk that left you at the bar?"
That should've been asked as soon at they were introduced. What concern is he to you after you've already fucked this woman who's clearly on the market?

"And we sure had an adventure!"
No you didn't. You played video games, got ripped (since that's what "nerds" do), and ate sushi. Ending on "an adventure" should have a montage of all the exotic places they've visited in the following years, wherein they continue to have the best sex of their lives, despite letting themselves go in their old age. Earlier, zebra-girl tells him that she isn't shallow, so he pushes himself to get ripped for HER sake? That's not how character development works.

Last edited on 23 January 2021, 08:56.

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Just going to mention this @RobDollar:

Why exactly are you posting all the details here? The creator is more than likely not going to see this, so it's just wasted space.

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@RobDollar:

If you can't even grasp a metaphor, I question your ability to understand anything else about the comic enough for your arguments to be sensible. That you fail to grasp THAT means I can safely ignore anything else you say.

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@thatguy90210
Maybe the creator will see it and take it to heart. Maybe some other potential creator will see it and apply it to his own works. Regardless of who sees it, I'm going to say it just like everyone ELSE in here who sees something with which they take issue.

@Lord Dashwood
You yourself said I made some good points. But if this one 'basic metaphor' is the hill you want to die on, be my guest.

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I hope Zarah gets pregnant. :D

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Way to little sex :D Need to be longer and good work on it

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