My first translation, all criticism welcomed.

Translation: Grand Tom (me)
Proofreading: JenízaroFrank (Yilbar)

Last edited on 31 January 2021, 21:04.

Base +6

Other Language or Version
Japanese
Korean
English You are here!

Base +36

Cliffhangers should illegal.

Base +6, i77 +6, KillerMagician +6, Weissrock +6

thanks for the hard work!
looks quite solid for a first try, editing wise.
the wording can still be improved imho. some of it felt unnatural. like it's missing some words that should've been there.
keep up the good work!

Base +18

First CONGRATULATIONS on avoiding the very very very very popular beginner mistake of using e-hentai's downscaled 1280px res images instead of the full resolution version. Unfortunately this is a rather rare event.
And as already pointed out it's a solid first try on the editing with room for improvement.
A few advices for you:

1. Don't change your fontsize constantly. A change in fontsize implies a chnge in how loud a character is speaking. Big letters mean shouting! Find a working size on a more text heavy page and use it for the rest of the work as much as you can.

2. Try to differentiate between regular speech and thought by a.) setting the fontstyle to italic, or b.) using a different font.

Base +17, godjesus +8, Refon_S +10, The Inker -8

@ncc1701z

Thank you! Yes you are right, I went with a very literal translation and I felt that it didn't flow quite well in english, I'll try to find a middleground that works.

@Ancient-Alien

Thank you for the nice words!

1. Yes that was my fault, I set the fontsize too big at the start and had to downscale many times, I'll try to set a fontsize next time (probably around 12-13pts).
2. True! I totally missed page 13 thought bubble.

Base +6, godjesus +8

Proofreader here:

If you find unnatural wording, don't shy away from pointing out the exact speech bubble. Any good faith criticism will help us improve.

Base +6, godjesus +8

Pretty solid product for your first work. On page 9, should it be "What did you do to Korosuke"? Something along the line of "Even you (Kokkoro), what are you doing" is more appropriate. That bubble is the one that stood out the most to me. On phone so I'm too lazy to list all the lines I found unnatural.

Base +23

At least from the cover this artist is giving off some Takeda Hiromitsu vibes. Or maybe it's just that many of the TH girls do the face Kokoro does in the cover.

Base +6