commissioned by my man bobby

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wow even in yuri themed doujinshi, you can't escaped "a massage but it actually sex"
RAW:https://e-hentai.org/g/1441929/26942db8e0/

Base +33, Miles Edgeworth +64, Frygon +10, the dru one +7, johj333 +6, y4kami +7, Kotovsky +6

Translation isn't great. For example, in the first panel, almost everything Ran is saying isn't herself--she's quoting Risa. It's not that Ran is apologizing if the salon is bad, it's Risa saying it. It's not Ran saying "It'd be a waste to let them expire," what was actually said was that Risa didn't think she'd be able to use the coupons herself before they expired, so she gave them to Ran. And the book is filled with incorrect context like that.

Additionally, it would be a good idea to be more careful while editing to make sure that you actually clear out all the bubbles and make the colors uniform. That way things like all the leftover specks of the Japanese text won't appear everywhere.

So...machine translated? Or just really early on in your Japanese lessons and don't quite understand how grammar works yet?

Last edited on 19 August 2021, 00:27.

Base +17, Daruna +8, MaulanaMuhammad +6, Qweritys +6, slimedog +10, Andrew(RocKy) +8

@Nomake Wan
thanks for the feedback
nah it wasn't MTL but i have still only just started learning jap so forgive me if it's a bit rough
hopefully ill improve my skills in both Japanese and editing in general in the future

Base +6, clockbot +6, Andrew(RocKy) +8, Roxolan +6

Okay, good on you. Best of luck with your education. If you only just started out, you've got a loooong ways to go.

If you want recommendations, the two books I always recommend to people to learn the ins and outs of grammar are "All About Particles" by Naoko Chino, and "The Handbook of Japanese Verbs" by Taeko Kamiya. That'll help a lot towards figuring out how what's being said is being said. Particle words and verb conjugation are the backbone of the language. Once you have that backbone in place, the rest is just vocab (and quirks, colloquialisms, etc). If you aren't already, I also highly recommend seeking out formal classes with native speakers.

Base +17, Frygon +10

pg 3, "beore" -> "before"

Base +6

page 5 -> tomoe is misspelled as "tamoe", "salon's" should be "salons"
page 6 -> "embarassing" should be "embarrassing"
page 11 -> "defininetly" -> "definitely"
page 15 -> "look's" -> "looks"
page 17 -> they're not saying tomoran need to wash the oil off, but that they (staff) are going to wash the rest off

some mistakes I managed to catch

Base +7