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I included an alternate version of page 17 that has the original body-writing.

You know what, good for her.

Base +6, JKensing +6, proxy +6, Jago Smith +8, dersied -10, skenver +6, S-One +6, Not Benedict +6, anonomys1 +6, onlyregistere +14, JosephuJoestar03 +6

Raw: https://e-hentai.org/g/1853128/16237c6dcb

Your translation is stilted and incorrect in several places. Here's QC for just the first two pages as a demonstration.

p1
"Don't struggle, onee-san. Ohh, I forgot. You're an oku-san (married woman) now."
A translator's job is to take the original intent of the author and convert it into something that makes sense for the target audience. Instead, you transliterated and then added an inline translation note, which is unacceptable. For a situation like this, recognize that in your target audience's language, we already have concepts for "oneesan" and "okusan." They are "Miss" and "Missus." The difference between the two phrases being used is unmarried versus married.

"I've been waiting for this moment for... 8 years..."
While this isn't technically incorrect, it's stilted in English. A better way to do this would've been, "I've been waiting forever for this moment... 8 long years..."

"...Are you trying to get violent with me?"
This one is actually wholly incorrect and shows that you have a complete lack of understanding with regards to Japanese grammar. What was actually said was, "...I'll end up having to get rough on you." For one thing, this is a continuation of the earlier spoken line, not a unique sentence in and of itself. For another, you completely screwed up the subject and object. Not great.

"We used to live in the same building and were on good terms... until the day -it- happened..."
First off, stop mixing all-caps and mixed-caps text. It only makes mistakes like the one here more obvious, so just keep it all-caps and use a proper manga font. Second, you didn't even remotely get this line right, what in the actual fuck? The actual translation is, "The nice older woman who happened to live in the same apartment complex and often spent time together with me...ate me alive." The part where I used 'spent time together' there is because the author used 遊んでくれた, which literally would be "played with me," but we can't use that since there's a sexual connotation, and the author is specifically drawing a distinction between merely enjoying one another's company and having sex. A distinction that's made clearer on the next page. Instead, your translation goes totally off the rails.

p2
"I'm a sexually ambiguous, sexually confused person..."
Since you screwed up the last line of the previous page, and since the last line of the previous page is the first half of the first line of this page, of course you got this wrong too. The correct translation here is, "I, someone who had been gender-fluid, and whose orientation was undecided..." 性が曖昧" is literally "gender is ambiguous," but nicely here in modern English we have a phrase for that. "性がわかっていない" isn't "sexually confused," though, it's more that they hadn't yet figured out what their sexual orientation was. Again, this concept is fleshed out in this and the next page.

"After she did that to me, she just disappeared..."
While again not wrong, it doesn't flow well with the rest of the page, and it misses tiny bits of context the author intentionally used. "And then immediately afterwards, she just suddenly vanished from my life..." The important bits the author states are that the very next day after they had sex, she just suddenly disappeared from the apartment complex. It also, again, is a thought that is continued in the next text box.

"With that, I spent the rest of my life ravenously seeking out and lusting for women's bodies."
Again, better translation based on the original text would be, "...and so I began to spend my days lusting uncontrollably after the bodies of women." In this context, first off, this person hasn't "spent the rest of their life," because they're clearly still youthful, and it's only been 8 years. While in a later page you translate a line as "that was a long time ago," she only actually said "that was in the past." In any event, your phrasing makes it seem like the MC has reached the end of their life and is reflecting back, which isn't quite the case. The point the author was making was actually that when she vanished from the apartment complex, the MC began to fill that void by finding other women to fuck.

"Before I knew it, my sexuality became twisted."
While not incorrect, again, I'd have gone with "Before I knew it, by sexuality had been completely warped."

And that's just two pages. Every page has stuff like that on it.

I see you've been "translating" since 2019, so it's been a full two years. Not a great look, especially for someone begging for commissions and ko-fi donations. Translator to translator, I'd like to see you come clean on your translation process here.

Base +17, dankestdungeon +20, NSFWSB +8, neo_skyline +18, lapix +6, Daruna +8, Jago Smith +8, dersied -10, Konola -7, skenver +6, fapacct +6, SenpaiNM7 +6, as102 +11, and 13 more...

Imagine a futanari-chan amongst horny MILF's.

Base +13, kemono69 +12, Retrieval +6, Nausea +7

@Nomake Wan
Thank you for the suggestions.
Unfortunately, I ended up rushing on this project and collabing with a fellow translator to get things going due to outside influences, so it's completely my bad for not having been more careful on the proofreading end and being wary of any errors from the both of us. I'll make sure to take your suggestions into light for a fixed version that I hope to release very soon.
My apologies for inconveniencing any readers. I shouldn't have released the translation while it was still in this state. I will do the utmost to make sure this doesn't occur again.

Last edited on 24 August 2021, 14:17.

Base +9, Daruna -8, dersied +10, Konola +7, S-One +6, fdsaguy +6, racaistaDon +7, drago78535 +6, Not Benedict +6, Videlicet Rex Rgis +7

This must be one of those worlds where a futanari's cum isn't a mind breaking aphrodisiac.

Base +6, absolugom +7, kemono69 +12, Not Benedict +6, V972 +7, Nausea +7, Luuuk +6

This futanari girl could easily be replaced with a boy without affecting the plot. However, it does subvert the use of futa in hentai. Pretty interesting but at the same time, almost like a gimmick to attract futa readers.

Base +7, yggdrasil75 +6, reccomendation -6, Lilisionnach -5, Nentai +6