Very cool translation, "my dude".

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Why the fuck you need a ceremonial dance like that? WTF????

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Perfect queens.

Base +27, RippedTie +2, ABDC +6, hacklol +7, Ownerer -6, baneonplane +8

Wow. He got both the tomboy and the Ara Ara neesan? Lucky bastard.
Though he was a really quick shot through the whole thing, lol.

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What a terrible translation.

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I would say that some of these “great dialogue improvements” approach being rewrite-tier. As one of many examples, the text on page 3 (more so the parts I am marking with * *) really has the meaning of:
>(Hey,) Kyouta,
>you like my sister, don’t you?
>Haaa!?
>I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
>*Don’t you look away from me! / I’m right on the money, aren’t I?*
>It’s cuz you’re too obvious. / *You stare at my sister during practice way too much!* (zero of the descriptions of the translation were present in the Japanese)
>*That look you get when you are looking at her ass is especially sketchy.*
>*It’s not trueee!* (which is the opposite of the translation)

And as one could probably guess, the translation’s insistence with the guy using an honorific, “(my) queen(s)”, to refer to the girls has no basis, nor does the little sister calling his dick “little dude”.

Obviously as a translator, you can make the text less “plain” than I have rendered it (for example, if a tomboyish girl is speaking really casually, I can understand adding in “dude” to get her tone across better in English; you can use entirely different sentences that convey the same meaning as the Japanese text, etc etc), but I think there is a limit of what should be accepted (not to mention some of them don’t even really make sense: like, why would the older sister specifically say “Ouch, my bubble butt” when she fell?)

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Love how their clothes disappears between Page 10 and Page 11

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Well it's great to see they slowly ingrain the "non-virgin" girls without blatantly spelling it out. I hope this trend continues for 2021 and beyond.

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Nee-san's definitely not a virgin. I really like how the dialogue's subtle with that. Not so sure about the Tomboy though. Seems like she wasn't that familiar with dick.

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JP: いたいた
EN: There you are
THIS "TRANSLATION": Ouch, that hurts

JP:他人ん家に勝手に入んなよ
EN:Don't trepass on people's house
THIS "TRANSLATION": Do you always squat in a place like this?

JP: 廃墟だよ
EN: It's abandoned
THIS "TRANSLATION": I'm not squatting, just loitering

JP: 遅いぞ涼太
EN: What took you so long, Ryouta
THIS "TRANSLATION": And you're late, dimwit!

wtf lol, are you a Wraith main or something, cuz you gotta be looking into another dimension for these dialogues lol. And it's just literally just the FIRST PAGE.

Last edited on 10 September 2021, 16:47.

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Did the person who wrote the dialogue for this have a stroke?

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If you think you can do a better job than the author on writing porn dialog, then make your own fucking comic instead of defacing someone else's work, you worthless hack.

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One of Musashimaru's cutest tomboys ruined by some wannabe Cracked writer. Good fucking job

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'giving them great dialogue improvements' my ass

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"Throuple"? "Ouch, my bubble butt"?
Dude, you are basically the "hello, fellow kids" meme. It's so damn cringey.

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edit: i was criticising someone else's corrections but then i read the first page and "ouch that hurts" makes zero sense in context, disregard my old comment lel

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@bloopypoo

>"nothing wrong here, unless you think making the dialogue sound less literal and clinical is a sin"
there's nothing wrong with removing the character's name and replacing it with an insult? I think there is. But you do you, mate.
upon further inspection though, you are right, I typed the wrong romaji name, it should be Ryouta

>"this particular line was literally already correct lol, your "correction" on the other hand sounds like MTL"
I'm not even gonna try to argue with this one, just look at the raw https://e-hentai.org/s/efcb431b73/1653211-34

Base +8, Beyond Imagination +6, oneiwonder +7, baneonplane +8

The author was kind of sloppy; between page 10 and 11 the top clothing of the younger sister suddenly disappeared.

Base +7, baltrazath +6

Musashimaru's works deserve better than this

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You make cgrascal and squiggles look like amateurs, "my dude".

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It's always a giant red flag when someone claims to "improve" on another creator's work - be it graphical or text.
If you're translating, then translate - don't rewrite.

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what happen between page 10 and page 11 they suddenly takeoff their clothes

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yeah...after the 5th "dude" I just "logged out".

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The definition of living the dream: this manga
The definition of a weird translation: same

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