Artist Links:
https://www.patreon.com/user?u=4409499
https://gumroad.com/ojipooo
https://www.furaffinity.net/user/maririn/
https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/6057870
https://maririn.booth.pm/
https://twitter.com/ojipooo

I do really want to enjoy this comic/manga, but man the story drags out. Coming with new issues to inmediatly solve them... And, even if I don't aprove Jonathan's behaviour, I have to side with him, I understand his anger and I think he has all the right to hate his family, It doesn't really help that the story treats Tobias like the ultimate dom sex lord with a warm Hearts that always wins, everyone loves and adores.

I do really think Maririn is a good artists, but she isn't really a good writer, mainly because she sticks too hard to the clichés of the gente, the ones that most women use, the only difference is that she draws Bara.

I don't want to come as a hater, I love her work. But, I strongly think she can do much much better with more focus and a bit more story structure.

Last edited on 29 April 2020, 02:18.

Base +1, The Pacifist +20, Shouta Hamasaki -6, shunkaha +6, bananaguy93 +5, GreenRyujin +6, Melhem +2, Fuckingweirdo +5, roadkillfish -5, anew742 +11, Skryty +4, twinb27 -7, W_Darkus -7, and 11 more...

(&)^^%^_(*&_&&*)_*%$_+&

Last edited on 30 April 2020, 00:30.

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I do understand your point of view. I think that Maririn had good concepts and good intentions, but the execution is where is lacking. Please, let me explain.

First, you say it's a story about gay couples getting kids and the reaction that causes in the family. Honestly, that's not true. Again, that was the intention, but the execution says otherwise.
Jhonatan is not homophofic (even if he acts like one), he hates Tobias and anything related to him because he got all the attention from their parents, even though he worked hard to be a worthy inheritor of the family. AKA, make his parents proud. He would have hated Tobias anything is that resulted un what we saw, their parents being neglectful and uncaring.

Second, the bullying has no consecuences for the protagonist (yes, we have only one, Tobias, more of that later). Once the kids start mistreating them, Tobias beated them. Easy. Actually, the only one who suffered from bullying was Jhonatan. Let's consider that Tobias, even though he could defend himself with issues (because he is the handsome dom) he was the one being nursed by his parents. Meanwhile, Jhonatan was told to "man up" and deal with It, even though he needed as much support as Tobias.

Third, the story is not about a couple getting a kid, is a bout a handsome dominant rich man wanting to be a father along with his mate. Derrick is, for the most part, a completly passive character, he doesn't drive the story in any way nor his action have any consecuences, his role in the story is to follow his handsome dom. Tobias decided to have a kid, Tobias has the family issues, Tobias chose Elias. And It would be fine if Tobias actually had struggles, but he just has one, Jhonatan. After that, he was born in a Golden cradle, fed with a silver spoon and granted a good wife.

Fourth, you can Skip either the sex or the story and nothing changes, but aspects are completly paralel events. Yeah, even Derrick's tattoo meant nothing. No, actually It damages the character even more. Instead of a sign of true love and dedication, it's located in a zone to basically say "I'm owned by Tobias because he is a handsome dom with a huge dick". It could had been in his navel, to represent being equals, on his heart because he always has Tobias in his heart or something. But, the sex scene goes out of its way to show how passive Derrick is as a character and reinforces that the story is about Tobias and Tobías is the best because he is a dom, because that tattoo represents that, even is the dialogue says otherwise.

Fifht, none of the other characters are relevante to the story, except for Tobias' father and Jhonatan, they give nothing to the story. I mean, their only contribution is to tell us things about the protagonist and his girlfriend.

Six... I would really prefer if the story was about Jhonatan. He has real struggles, he has the conflictive feelings, he suffers consecuences, he has struggles. And his storyline is just as relevant nowadays.

Seventh. This story may end with incest, with Jhonatan and Derrick fucking Elías. And why I think that? Well, first, the extra art, second, Derrick is a ver sub (meaning that he tops), but Tobias is a top. So, yeah, both of them are gonna fuck Elias. And yes, he will be a sub because he is the smallest. And there it is another example of sex ruining characters. Now Derrick is a vers whose needs to top are probably never met, and a story about two father raising a child is twisted into gay dads turn his boy gay and fuck him.
This one is for last because it's just me guessing that sex scene will happend.

Like I said at the beginning, Maririn has good ideas and good intentions ans i repects her as an artist. But, she lacks focus and applies cliches without thinking about the implications, rushes through the story and sex because she needs the time for story and sex, so both aspects of the story fight for attention while not wanting to do anything with each other.

She can make great things, and she needs focus and work on linking sex and story.

This comic/manga is ok. I'm sorry, really, but, I cannot say it's good if I have to skip the story or sex to get the best out of It, because that means half of the work is a waste of time.

I'm not an artist, but I'm a writer. And I'm trying my best to Showcase the mistakes and say what she needs to get better.

Last edited on 02 November 2020, 09:04.

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This comic is too Mary Sue to make me feel comfortable. Guess it's my fault to have brain while reading sex comics.

Base +6, LeafyIsNotHere +6, W_Darkus -7, yyfurry -6, LunalaTranslations +6, demonlion18 -6, hrogii +11, Serendipitous Squirt +6, Grimrabbit +8, ZeroZi -8

we're literally out here writing essays about gay furry porn

Base +6, Jay Schluster +6, nastyoshea +5, bananaguy93 +5, Strikerman +6, silvisakeru +6, LeafyIsNotHere +6, Plijy +6, shadou wolf +3, chichivalry +3, Zedon0007 +7, Dominic Maverick -7, anew742 +11, and 19 more...

can't blame his brother for his behavior, i've been where he's at

Last edited on 03 May 2020, 09:25.

Base +7, GreenRyujin +6, Skryty +4, W_Darkus +7, LunalaTranslations +6, romanicyte +6

It's funny how the asshole is way more interesting than the main characters

Base +8, Skryty +4, Grey-leo +6, W_Darkus -7, JohnTucer -4, hrogii -11, Serendipitous Squirt +6

玛丽莲永远的神！

Base +6

I feel like there should have been way more time spent on the relationship developping as opposed to going directly into marriage, adoption and all that. Feels really rushed for the sake of adding the kid.
Plus there's a really weird dissonance between how serious the story is and how constantly sexualized the couple is, even though the sex itself took ages to even appear and just kind of pops in once in a while, it's just there for the sake of being there, especially since there's a dom/sub aspect that's barely touched upon.

Base +6, kikimaru024 +21, LeafyIsNotHere +6, Skryty +4, W_Darkus -7, Cat2323 +2, LunalaTranslations +6, romanicyte +6, powerplayer +8, salv10 +6, demonlion18 -6

FUCK, I came here to jerk off but ended up almost fucking crying...

Base +4, W_Darkus +7, dreamzzz +6, Mr. Xecret +6, romanicyte +6, salv10 -6, memmoma +6, tseng_sir +3, simpleAI +2

So, I thought the flashback would deal with one of my issues with the manga: the bullying not having an effect on Tobias. But, NOPE, Tobias was shown to be yet again a Gary Stu. He is a smaller, younger kid kicking the ass of bigger older kids, and one who had more years of training in karate than him. And now he is not only capable of defending himself, but he also became a vigilante for other kids.

Also, did we really need more of Tobias' past from his point of view? Man, this is nothing new. Not only is this nothing new, but Tobias still has the guts to ask what happened that Jhonatan hated him when he shouted the reason at his face. Man, he is just the worst.

Also... So mature, a Halloween pic depicting Jhonatan a man baby...

Well, maybe I should accept this is just a wish fulfilment manga and nothing else.

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Wish the relationship was fleshed out more. We literally don't know anything at all about Elias besides that he is maybe smart, he's shy and likes books, and he maybe went to a private school after getting adopted???
The plot with the mom being sick seems to be going nowhere also, unless it'll be what brings Johnathan closer to the main characters or drives him further away.
Timeline is also fucky; why the sudden six year jump in the characters' ages in their bios?
Every other point I'd make has already been made though about the sex being pointless, albeit well drawn, Johnathan being a much more interesting character, Tobias being a total Garry Stu, and the implied incest fucking over Tobias and Tyson as redeemable characters.
(Sidenote, it took me five minutes of rereading the comic to come across a single mention of Tyson's name because he is just that much of background character compared to Tobias)

Base +9, demonlion18 -6, Cat2323 +2

When you want more plot than lewd :v

Base +11, salv10 -6

As someone said before, the story has good points, now, on how they were put... it could be better but I had read worst... SO MUCH WORST. All in all, despite not getting it right, what Maririn is doing is far from bad or mediocre. Tho I must say he should lay down the sex a bit because its there just to "keep the horny dudes coming", I still want to see the story and how its gonna end up.

Base +6, salv10 -6, yyfurry -6, LeafyIsNotHere +6, Anima0123 +7, MacXIII +6, Саша231 +1

他们长得好像，我都分不清

Base +3, tseng_sir +3

Yeah it's not the best but there are way worse furry porn that try to be serious, I am engaged in the drama lol. Also it must be hard trying to please both camps when you try to do a story like this, I skipped the last porn part and not because it was bad ( and I am very horn, fapped to maririn before) but because my focus on this changed to me lol.

Base +11, Grimrabbit -8, Cat2323 +4

很难评价这个走向…只能说如果Jhonatan是现实中的人，和家人和解确实是最好的选择，但是作为之前为何摆烂的理由…真的还不如没说，想加入一些对校园霸凌的批判，但是因此Jhonatan骗了自己十几年也是过于有毅力，Tobias这个谅解也充满着主角式余裕…总之这个结局不能说不好但是仿佛打了所有和家庭不合想要脱离家庭生活的人的脸

Base +5, gamefuel143 -6, Grimrabbit +8

So, I came back to check this after a time to see if this got better of something. Nah, it's still pretty mediocre. Tobias was given the answer, the apology was very easy, no effort was needed to heal the bond, Elias is still a sack of potatoes, Tyson is still the submissive wife who will just obey and accept what his husband does while pretending to have an actual personality, and Toby is still a Gary Stu.

So, yeah, the same thing but with less porn, so worse overall.

Well, at least I hope the sex that is coming is a long scene.

Base +4, Grimrabbit +8, justarando +4, LeafyIsNotHere +6, justlookingforporn -6, Anima0123 -7, ZeroZi -8, salv10 +6

现在两个人接受jhonatan越快，就越显得之前的矛盾没有必要…这真的是非要亲人去世才想的通的问题吗。
现在，jhonatan这个唯一的剧情推动者的问题解决了，接下来的故事要怎么继续下去呢

Base +5, jingxiaotang +3

They're gonna be fucking Elias by the end, aren't they?

Base +7, justarando +4, Muchachatte +6, Саша231 -1, LRP24 -7

i still have the false hope that Tobias will get fucked someday

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大家好厉害！评论区很精彩💕

Last edited on 21 April 2022, 07:52.

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