Translator
Donrandom

Editor
Donrandom

Raw
https://e-hentai.org/s/bae82fd872/2066139-26

Editor Message
Alright, so I fixed the translation of Rion's and Sousuke's names.
And when editing a lot of Rion's dialouge, I changed some words to slang to try to keep in tune with her Gyaru personality/ look.
I also tried my best to do a cleaner type-set compared to last chapter, but I'm not perfect.
Also on page 23, I really wasn't sure what exactly Sousuke was trying to ask her to do, even when she did it, so I did my best to guess. The MTL wasn't that helpful with the line.

Like last time, feel free to let me know if I made any mistakes or something seems off.

EDIT:
Edited to change font from 14 to 18 for most dialogue.

Thanks for the translation! Though the font is a bit too small in quite a few of the dialogue bubbles.

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@SupaDupaMan2
I made the base text for most dialogue size "14" to follow a guide for type setting that someone left on the previous chapter.
Before I uploaded it, I read it on my computer and phone to make sure it was actually readable.
Should I go back and enlarge some of the smaller dialogue?

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Dude, don't use machine translations.

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@nikgtasa
I was originally only using MTL's to read this for myself.
But then, I figured I needed more practice with editing, because I commissioned the translation of Hinamix.
So I figured that I might as well practice editing with this series. If someone else wants to do an official translation for this, I'd gladly support them.
I'm really sorry if this series never gets an proper translation cause I MTL'd it.

Last edited on 28 December 2021, 12:01.

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@donrandom
I think for your font choice, 14 is a bit small, using the japanese text size as the reference might be a better choice. It got the basic right tho, so its readable. Well, work hard. hopefully you can join with proper translator later, that would be great.

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Yeah, you really want to match the text size of the Japanese text.

As for fonts, here's some classics you can't go wrong with:

CCVictorySpeech
Wild Words
Spinner Rack BB

These are "catch-all" fonts, and can be used for pretty much anything. You'd eventually also want specialty fonts for moans/screams and handwriting.

Of course, I also highly encourage you to learn Japanese. Trust me, MTLs aren't nearly as good as one might think. DeepL is just REEEALLY proficient at tricking you into thinking it's doing a good job by shitting out mostly grammatically perfect output. At least you're honest and willing to learn.

If learning Japanese is too much of a chore, please look for actual translators and collab with them. Hell, scanlation groups are ALWAYS hungry for good editors, cleaners, and redrawers. If you hone those skills, you can join a group and have them TL the shit you like lol (Fuck, I'M looking for good editors.)

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@cutegyaru
Yeah, I'm really trying to learn, and I appreciate the honest feedback from everyone here, I'll never get better otherwise.
I'll keep practicing and take more time editing and reviewing before posting another chapter of this or the next chapter for the official translation of Hinamix.

It doesn't make it translated properly, but I took Chinese for 6 years in middle > high school, so I refer to the Chinese translations sometimes of this manga, but my memory of Chinese is hazy at best, so I mainly just use it for clarification on some lines.

And I am currently working with a translator for Hinamix, but I am highly considering picking up Japanese, not just for translating hentais, but there's a lot of Visual Novels I'd like to be able to read without waiting for a translation.

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Donrandom this is shadowfairy. First off, I apologize for my previous comment of it being bad & awkward (more awkward than bad tho) on that other site, I didn’t realize it was an MTL In that case then it’s understandable. Second, thanks for noting the corrections & credit.

Just FYI, Sosuke is also absolutely fine to use, in fact I generally omit the long vowel u in JP names, like for Kyouko & Houzuki (also in this series). But Sousuke works better only bc of his used nickname Sou-chan. The choice is up to you whether to omit the u’s or not from their names.

Also since you asked, Pg 23 alternative TLs:

“You’ll wake up Mion-chan if you make such loud noises, you know?” / “Can you keep your voice down since Mion-chan will wake up?”

“… I can’t help it…” / “…Impossible…”

“It’s Sou-chan’s fault” / “Because Sou-chan is teasing me”

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Please, use Hepburn romanization for names if you plan on doing more translations. If you want to shorten the text, you can use ō instead of ou but please, for the love of Snowflake, don't omit the u.
I do recommend picking up JP, especially if you play/plan to play a lot of visual novels or mobile games. Though be aware that it is a long journey before you can read anything.

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