This is the first doujin I have ever translated, any feedback is welcome. I wanted to keep as much of the art in tact, that's the reason I didn't translate SFX (and some of the moans). Usually with the way SFX are drawn I think non-Japanese speakers will get the message.

Thought I had déjà vu, but it's an extended ver of https://e-hentai.org/g/2096720/cb580e8084/

Base +20, letoplel +19, Lucie4 +10, damnspams +7, Adamantcheese +7, Cinder_Pumice +6, TCJJ +6, Porokichin66 +9, Shurikensei +10

Thank you for uploading this! The quality is great, solid translation and very good editing, even more impressive as your first one.
You're right, translating SFX is usually not necessary (if done anyway for out of bubble SFX I recommend just putting the translation in smaller next to it without removing the original to, as you say, keep the art), translating moans is nice imo but also not too important, the only ones I would put some importance on are those with meaning that actually can be translated, like the イく bubbles on page 11.

Base +6, narc123 +8

Really good job on the typesetting for a first one. You obviously made your homework on how to properly typeset before you started uploading. Unfortunately that's not standard even if it should be.
It just would be nice if you could stop doujins.com-img your future uploads by not including all pages like backcovers and publication info.

RAW: https://e-hentai.org/g/2104697/37b55db78a/

Base +19, Orion9137 +11, Adamantcheese +7, narc123 +8, Kacywang +6

This is very impressive for a first attempt. I don't think a lot of people care about SFX (and some might even get distracted by translated SFX) so feel free to ignore them.
Some minor stuff:
- Pg. 4: You gotta capitalize the "You're" if you end the "You" with a period.
- Also on page 4, the "Sure, however..." panel still has a bit of left over JP text.
- Pg. 8 without proper redrawing looks quite distracting but considering the efforts required to redraw them grass, I would skip as well lmao. Not sure why there's a random black line though?
- Pg. 9: Did you leave an extra space in "about how"?
- Pg. 14: "to do first".

Base +25, damnspams +7, Adamantcheese +7, Gorince +11, narc123 +8, Kacywang +6, TCJJ +6, Porokichin66 +9, dankestdungeon +22

fixed all those issues in the re-upload

Base +6, Ikutozuki +7, waltergeist +10, Adamantcheese +7, narc123 +8, Perpcern +9, Kacywang +6, TCJJ +6

Just pointing out a couple translation errors.

Page 6
Current TL: "I told you, right?"
JP: へぇ ユウリちゃんっていうんだ
Note: The っていう part here means "is called" / "you're called", not "(I) told (you)".
Suggestion: "So your name's Gloria, huh?"

Page 8
Current TL: "Does it hurt?"
JP: ユウリちゃんにはちょっと難しいかな？
Note: This is nothing about pain. He's demeaning her intelligence here, rhetorically asking if what he said in the previous line is too complicated for her to comprehend.
Suggestion: "Or is that a bit too hard for you to understand?"

The old gallery https://e-hentai.org/g/2096720/cb580e8084/ has good alternatives for these two lines as well. You have the right idea thinking up your translation by yourself without over-relying on or blindly copying other people's translations, but it's not a bad idea to go through other translations once you've finished your own, and then compare both translations with the original script to check if you can improve anything while still staying faithful to the author's intent.

All in all, definitely a good translation for your first try. Keep it up!

Base +11, Adamantcheese +7, narc123 +8, Myouren +7, TCJJ +6, lovebubbles +6, dankestdungeon +22

Excellent work, great translation - Thank you for sharing it with the community

Waiting for new translations of other works from this great artist, which have not yet been translated

Base +11, Mrsuperhappy -40, sleazeball -5, Adamantcheese -7, lewdhev -6, Xalren525 -6, IS IRIS -6, The Mysterious Tahu +6, Falloree -7, hereforpandaonly +6