Hi. I'm the one that translated and typesetted this up; everything I wanted to say is in the translator's page (if anyone is willing to read that)

Anyways, I used the Korean version that I downloaded on this website. Other versions (JP raw, Viet, etc...) either have a big ass watermark or too low quality to use. The translation was from VIE version to EN however, with some clarifying translation for JP version from a friend.

Anyways, hope you guys enjoy this. And definitely do support the artist and purchase their works if you guys like it.

Missing page 6, click here for reference.

Base +15, TCJJ +8

It feels like I'm reading a script from the SaHa or Lusty Lady Project days.

Base +9, Daruna +10

I'm just gonna be honest with you man, the English is really rough. Like, I don't think you needed to say that you weren't a native English speaker in your credits page. I don't really want to be too mean to you because it's obvious you put in a lot of effort, like the cleaning and typesetting (minus the very wide leading) is all pretty decent, but the English is always going to be the main part of it and this just doesn't work. The mistakes I've pointed out are only the literal grammar/punctuation mistakes to fulfill the tag, there are so many awkward sentences and strange/wrong wordings that I can't tag but it's still there. I'd suggest looking for someone to proofread your work if you're gonna upload again.

Page 5.

That takes real talent to be able to do that in front of others. > It takes real talent to be able to do that in front of others, or, Doing that in front of other people takes real talent.

Page 6.

I really need you contributing to my graduation from being a miko! > I really need your help for my graduation from being a miko!, or, I really need you to contribute to my graduation from being a miko! ( I have a feeling something's wrong here, but since I can't read the Vietnamese RAWs, there's no point in trying to figure out what the author actually meant.)

Listen to what others has to say first, will you!? > Listen to what others have to say first, will you!?

Page 7.

I also did the same with Taki-kun's body too > I also did the same with Taki-kuns body, or, I did it with Taki-kuns body too (the too is superfluous)

Page 9.

When I see Taki-kun's face in ecstasy, I'm starting to get turned on down there too. > When I see Taki-kun's face in ecstasy, I start getting turned on down there too, or, When I saw Taki-kun's face in ecstasy, I started getting turned on down there too. (tenses are a mess here)

Ever since we were on the train, my pussy has been dripping wet down there til even now > till (also this sentence is so convoluted and confusing, you can cut out half of it and it'd make more sense. "My pussy's been dripping wet ever since we got on the train.")

her's is > hers is

Page 10.

Taki-kun let's help each other get off too. (superfluous too (and i have the feeling she's saying, "help get me off too" in the raws but it didnt translate into Vietnamese or you didn't translate it into English))

Page 12.

And you, Taki-kun! Congrats to you graduating from virginity! > And you, Taki-kun! Congrats to you for graduation from your virginity!, or, And you, Taki-kun! Congrats to you on graduating from being a virgin!

Page 13.

If I do this then you can last longer now. > Now if I do this, you'll be able to last longer, or, If I do this, then you can last longer. (integrate the now properly or leave it out, either works.)

Page 14.

Because Taki-kun's getting way too greedy! (Why's "because" here?)

Page 15.

It feels so warm inside of my pussy, so good!! and To be honest, I'm also feeling really good! (these two don't really make any sense, I can only assume you attributed the first bubble to the wrong person and he was actually talking about the inside of her pussy, to which she responded she feels good as well. This isn't a grammar mistake, I just thought it was really weird.)

Base +15, cybeast93 +17, Daruna +10, cutegyaru +17, TCJJ +8

@Mr_Person

Hey, thank you. Really. For everything you've said.

I'm not going to cower behind excuses like "It's my first time" - although that is the truth and would explain all the mistakes that you've pointed out.
Between my imperfect English and translating literally from a version that I can read (as opposed to with a bit more liberty for better "flow") and other factors, it's clear that the output is subpar to what is generally expected of an objectively good upload on e-hentai (or anywhere else)

I'm committed to doing better though. I am very new to e-hentai so there's a lot that I do not know. How things work, uploading, deleting, etc...
Ideally, I'd take it down myself and sit down and take more time revising before uploading again, but I don't know if I can actually do that. After all, it's actually pretty bad in the first place that one page was left out when uploading. Anyways, I will sit down once again and mull over everything said so far.

Sincerely, thank you. No shade, sass or sarcasm. A better result, I shall strive for.

Base +2, cybeast93 +17, skitts +8, Daruna +10, shadowburn +8, AlephFish +16, 铯批竟是我 +6, jsnormandy +11

@ChronicallyInsomniac

Glad to see you didn't take it in bad spirits because that's definitely not how I wanted to come across. Everyone's first time translating is a little rough (you should see my first upload, holy shit), so a lot of the mistakes can be taken as growing pains, and it's really encouraging to see you acknowledge that and strive for better. Genuinely wish you luck with your work mate.

Base +15, skitts +8, AlephFish +16

@ChronicallyInsomniac

Refreshing to see someone take criticism well, we all make mistakes and the first upload in particular tends to be rough but what sets those with potential to be good translators apart is taking responsibility for it.

As for deleting your gallery, you can't, the closest you can try is attempt to expunge it but this is not a valid reason to do so, so it would get rejected. So it'll stay like this for the time being. If you commit to actually revising your translation you can go to the gallery manager ("my uploads" on the top row) and select this gallery then click "create new version", remove the current files and drop the new ones in like you would for a new upload, then publish that to create an update to this gallery. I should note that this only works if you get around it within a year, if you need to make changes to galleries more than a year old you can upload them normally and start an expunge on the old one noting that it has been replaced with the new upload.

On another note, by translating JP->VIE(or really anything other than the original language or the language you're translating to)->English you increase the risk of mistranslations because any text that was mistranslated or didn't have a good Vietnamese equivalent will carry this error over to the English version without you even realising it. Having a friend who does speak Japanese help you out is the best you could have done here without outsourcing the entire translation, probably dodged the problem effectively enough but do keep it in mind for future projects.

Last edited on 19 August 2022, 22:13.

Base +22