This is my frst translation of this kind, I do apologise if theres any errors with it. I am still learning Japanesee and while I'm confident enough to translate, I am still new to the process.

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Don't know what I'd do without facomin and his dick-draining tittyfuck machine Miku

Base +9, Bigblack1298 +6, jeybi +9, BomgoMan420 +6, blulaz +7

Good effort for a first translation, especially on the typesetting side it seems that you at least did some research.

However, when it comes to the translation side you've made quite a few mistakes on both the translation and grammar aspects which is to be expected if you are unfamiliar with translation and Japanese.

Pg 1
awhile > a while you omitted the 予定 part of the first narration box which made the introduction sound very abrupt whereas it would've flown nicer if you included that he had "plans".
home > house

Pg 2
Miku is speaking to him so it does not make sense to say "Let's get him nice and steamy, he's already dying to cum on my tits" Except you also mistranslated this
いいですよ 乳内でしっかり蒸してもらって、乳内射精しましょうね
"Thats okay / sure get the insides of my tits nice and steamy and then shoot your load while still inside of them okay"

Open wide > spread them open
Feel the dominating force of my tits > エグい is slang and can mean multiple things like やばい does. In this case she's saying "the pressure from my tits is amazing right~"
Your penis is fidgeting back and fourth so much... fourth > forth. (Mistranslated) Here she's referring to his foreskin being peeled and unpeeled by her tits as he moves back and forth.

Hey master, you keep letting yourself lose to my boobs more and more often don't you? > "Say master, after losing to my tits day after day, I see you've gotten better huh"

Those are all the mistakes I found in the first 2 pages so given that I expect to be a lot more throughout.

From what I see you seem to have made quite a number of mistakes when it comes to the context of who that dialogue is directed towards or just missing the mark entirely.
pg 5 > "Open that shameful mouth of yours, he's already a slave to my massive tits right?" Its clear that she's talking to him so randomly having the "he's" makes literally no sense.
Also for the sake of consistency please stick with 1 word for something. You were using "tits" and "boobs" within the same dialogue or page sometimes which is quite jarring.

My advice to you is to use a dictionary and scrutinize every word or phrase as much as possible to narrow down the possible meanings. If you are still a bit unsure then something like deepL can be of use to get you on the right track. However do not just copy paste the output of deepL but rather use it as a point of reference.
Also, since you are still learning Japanese I advise you to try to be as accurate as possible with your translation / word choices but at the same time don't try stick to Japanese phrases or ways of saying things. Doing that will cause your translation to come across as incredibly stiff and literal feeling which you don't want.

Finally, proofread your work and at the very least try to not have any typos in there. Something to think about when proofreading is "Can I make this sentence more natural sounding or shorter while still getting the point across". That should help you cut down on awkward sentences or phrases that you may have in your translation. You want your translation and the text to flow together in a coherent matter with clear indication of where it starts and ends. Text size is something that you should pay attention to and use to help the reader differentiate between which text comes first.

Base +2, cybeast93 +19, hereforpandaonly +6, Megaton +45, CakePlease +6, BomgoMan420 +6, blulaz -7

I've been waiting for this one! Thanks for the translation.

Base +5

@Kyuume this feedback is invaluable to me. I was really in need of feedback for my translation work, given the fact I don’t have any Japanese bilingual/translator friends to criticise it properly. I got aid in proofreading but they just had to have faith what I wrote was accurate.

This translation was mainly for study and learning how to edit / formatting manga for future projects. I’ll probably upload my blanks for others to use in their translations. If anyone else wants to do another English translation, I’m 100% fine with it and would encourage it. I’m just glad I tried and got valuable feedback from it in the process.

Again, your very appreciated for the feedback, thank you and I’ll keep your advice in mind in future!

Base +6, hereforpandaonly +6, Megaton +45, catzchanka +6, Crono121 +6, BomgoMan420 +6

@acem9
Being someone who started translating in a situation almost exactly like yours I understand those feelings all too well.
But in my case, I had people I could ask for help when it came to the Japanese side of things.
However, when it comes to the translation side of things it really is hard to get any sort of real feedback or criticism unless it comes from someone who is already involved in it.

So if you need some feedback or advice in the future I'd be happy to help.
Here's my discord: Kyuume#9874

Base +2, cybeast93 +19, Megaton +45, CakePlease +6, BomgoMan420 +6

@Kyuume will absolutely if I decide to do another in future, thank you so much.

Base +6