raw:https://e-hentai.org/g/2263442/f00a036152/
sorry for any mistake, thx

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In Hentaiverse , Kazuya is not a wuss.

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Huh. Popochichi's art looks better than the original author, and that's not usual.

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Yahiro Pochi is too fast!!

Chapter 7 is already out!!

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in general when sentences aren't contained in a single bubble, a lot of the dialogue sounds awkward if you TL one bubble at a time instead of looking at entire sentences

002
"Ever since that day when you watched my performance in the stage" -> "Ever since that day you watched my performance on stage"
"I will work as much as I have to" -> "I will work as hard as I can" (also appears on p20)

003
"And spending a lot of money..." -> "And spent a lot of money..." to be consistent with your tenses

005
"Wait...there's a mixed bathing here!?" -> "Wait...there's mixed bathing here!?" or "Wait...it's a mixed bath here!?"
"Come inside mixed bath together with me!!" -> "Let's get in the [mixed] bath together" or you could just make it something like "Come to the mixed bath with me" or "Take a bath with me"
"To go inside mixed bath together with a beauty like Mizuhara..." -> "Going to a mixed bath together with a beauty like Mizuhara..."

008
"I can't believe such a pretty girl comes to the mixed bath" -> "I can't believe such a pretty girl would come to the mixed bath"
"It troubles you when other men sees them, right?" -> "It troubles you when other men see them, right?"

009
"On each of our date so far" -> "On each of our dates so far"

013
"I am almost erected" -> "I'm getting an erection"

014
"Me too, to do something like that~" -> "I wanna do those kinds of things too"
"I convinced myself to became stronger" -> "... become stronger"

for rough TL:

004
"higaeri" doesn't require a note imo

OG: 日帰りは初めてで
TL: "This is my first time to go higaeri..."
ED: "This is our first time going on a day trip..."

OG: 今日はお客さんの希望で日帰り温泉に来た
TL: "Today I come to higaeri onsen as requested by my client"
ED: "Today I went on a day trip to the hot springs/onsen at my client's request"

005 + 006
OG: 俺水原みたいな美人と一緒に混浴入るの… / 夢だったんだ！！
TL: "To go inside mixed bath together with a beauty like Mizuhara... / It's like my dream come true!!"
ED: mostly awkward phrasing but the 2nd part is slightly off, the gist is more like "Going to a mixed bath together with a beauty like Mizuhara is a dream of mine!!"

007
OG: ウソ…結構人いる…
TL: "Oh no...there are quite a few people here..."
ED: kind of a nitpick but it's closer to "No way" rather than "Oh no"

OG: 嬉しいよ水原が一緒に入ってくれて
TL: "I am happy to come in here together with you, Mizuhara"
ED: "I'm happy you came in with me, Mizuhara"

008
OG: これ絶対自慢するために自分の彼女連れてきやがったな
TL: "It seems that he brought his girlfriend here just to show off"
ED: "He definitely brought his girlfriend here to show off" (no doubt in the speaker's mind)

OG: 凄く羨ましそうな目でさ
TL: "Moreover, they stare at us with such envious look"
ED: "They look so envious" or "They have such envious looks in their eyes" if you want to hold onto "envious look", either way I would probably drop the "stare" for accuracy!

009
OG: 乳首隠さないとね
TL: "Let me cover your nipples"
ED: "[You should] hide/cover your nipples, okay?", slightly different meaning

OG: 何で…動かすのっ…
TL: "Aaah...rubbing them..."
ED: "Why is he...rubbing them..."

OG: 見られちゃう
TL: "Everyone is watching"
ED: "They're gonna see [it]"

OG: それに水の中だと見えづらいから
TL: "Not to mention, it's kinda hard to be seen because of the water"
ED: "Besides, it's hard to see underwater", a little nitpicky

011
OG: それやめて
TL: "I can't hold it anymore"
ED: she's just pleading for him to stop

013
OG: くそこんな所でいちゃつきやがって
TL: "Damn, making out in a place like this"
ED: "flirting" rather than "making out"

014
OG: ありがとう水原俺めっちゃ興奮した
TL: "Thanks Mizuhara, my heart beat so fast earlier"
ED: more like "Thanks Mizuhara, I was so turned on/excited", "my heart beat so fast" is kind of a loose interpretation imo

015
OG: 私…待ち望んじゃってたー…
TL: "My deepest wish from long ago"
ED: "I've been...waiting so long for this--..."

016
OG: 憧れた目で見られるのがわかって
TL: "I know by looking at their gaze towards me"
ED: "I can tell from their looks of admiration"

020
FYI you erased the title of the play

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wow its extensive, i like it, thx for the comment

"when sentences aren't contained in a single bubble, a lot of the dialogue sounds awkward if you TL one bubble at a time instead of looking at entire sentences"
i did look at the entire sentences, but in this case, i think it's my incompetence to rephrase it into proper english. hopefully, it can be better next time in another chances,lol

all of the correction makes sense, i also used some wrong words,lol sorry about that.
esp about page 20, I MISSED THAT,LMAO, i just realized it now, i erase the words in the script but didn't put it back,lol

Last edited on 01 October 2022, 17:24.

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Kazuya fucking Chorizo? Nah.

Base +6

@ kampfer91:

If only that asshat Reiji knew how much better his story would be if his Kazuya wasn't a wuss.

But of course, us Thanoes have to do it ourselves. We don't care if the universal population gets cut in half with this.

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The show would be over in one episode if Kazuya wasn't such a deadbeat loser tho.

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