>save multiple girl from getting gangraped
>perform kagebushin
>proceed to gangbang them yourself

hentailand shota GIGACHAD

RAW:https://e-hentai.org/g/2250021/459504594c/

Base +36, PsychicDoom -6, Novanity +10, aoiace +6, Cruxiao +6, TCJJ +8

it seems like you tried editing as best as you could but ultimately you're still stuck with MTL limitations.

ignoring nitpicks:

007
OG: もう終わりよあなた達もミュージシャンの端くれなら罪を償って楽器の練習することね
TL: "This is over, and you all are too. If you truly are musicians than[sic] you should go atone for your actions by going to practice your instruments"
ED: this might sound passable in English but I assume it choked on where to place あなた達も so you end up having to change the dialogue, the gist is if they're "also musicians" (as fellow musicians) not that they're also "over"

008
OG: つくしちゃん捕獲してあいつら戻ってくるまで我慢しろ
TL: "Tsukushi-chan...we need to hold out until she comes back!"
ED: I think you assumed the wrong speaker for this bubble? but if not then this makes even less sense to me. The captors need to hold out until the others capture and return with Tsukushi

018
OG: うッ...イ イく…ッ！
TL: "Ugh...you feel too good...!"
ED: "Oooh...I-I'm cumming...!", I guess it ignored the space?

---

002
"heart mania" -> "heart manju mania"?

007
" ... than you should ..." -> "... then you should ..."

014
"... many time overs" -> "... many times over"

016
altered dialogue aside, "We're not compatable ..." -> "We're not compatible ..."

017
"fininsh" -> "finish"

019
"sensative" -> "sensitive"

Base +18, cybeast93 +19, TheOldDeus +8, darkdepths +17, Totally Legit +9, cynamonbunz +38, Kacywang +6, Novanity +10, SpoonyMan +6, TCJJ +8, AmazingPeanuts -6, OoAhgasboO +6

If you're going to MTL please refrain and request it formally. Shit TLs often kill interest in making an actual decent and proper translation.

Base +8, Totally Legit +9, shortykilz +6, cynamonbunz +38, Kacywang +6, TheOldDeus +8, Novanity +10, aoiace -6, SpoonyMan +6, olololof -7, kavinh -6, TCJJ +8, AmazingPeanuts -6, and 2 more...

Page 3:
> "I want to practice in different places sometimes!" You're late even though you picked this spot all by yourself, Touko-chan.

She's talking to Mashiro, not Touko. This sentence should be changed to:
> Touko-chan is late even though she picked this spot herself because she wanted to practice at different places from time to times.

The least you could do when using MTL is knowing about the original work, so you can catch mistakes like these.

Base +7, aoiace -6, Totally Legit +9, TheOldDeus +8, kavinh -6, TCJJ +8, AmazingPeanuts -6