Pixiv Link:
https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/103918360

This story tells us about the awakening of an ancient evil that has been forgotten for millennia, where a young student named Haikaru is corrupted by the ancient succubus, who once again want to conquer the world and spread chaos.
Will she be able to resist our protagonist to her sexual desires, or will she submit to serve the new Succubus Empire? ...

First of all, I would like to tell you that it is the first time that I have made a visual novel, so I consider myself inexperienced in this field. Although I have tried and this is the result that I have obtained, although I have to admit that I have very little control in terms of personalization and facial expressions of the characters, visual effects, some failures in the dialogues, etc, but I wanted to share this first job with you since I was excited and see what you think.

Greetings and many thanks to those who read it. I will appreciate it

and you，my friend，you are real hero

Base +4, Murasame0721 +4, byedark +6

RE: tag 'story arc'

>Requires a minimum of ~75 pages or 4 chapters, whichever comes first, within a single gallery.

https://ehwiki.org/wiki/story_arc

56 pages one chapter on chronomark, ergo - no "story arc".

Also, artist tag can be requested here -> https://forums.e-hentai.org/index.php?showtopic=246656

Base +32

The story is alright, I just wish she had resisted a bit more. I look forward to seeing her trying to convert others.

The dialogue, however, is very hard to read, sometimes it blends with the background. Try using a heavier sans serif font or a bold font, or apply a white outline (stroke) to the text. If the image editing software you're using doesn't have that feature, consider making white or slightly translucent boxes to hold the text in.

Also, avoid long paragraphs. For comics like this, if you have to put all that text in the same image, try splitting it into two or three blocks, even if it's the same person speaking.

Base +6

unlikelypand: Yes, The first 1 and 2 chapters have a bad lecture because in that period I was learning but I improve every month. And thank you for the advice to avoid long paragraphs!

Pseudo-Nim: Okay, thank you for your correction, I didn´t know it.

Last edited on 24 November 2022, 22:37.

Base +2