My second translation, I really enjoyed the mood of this one. How she can is both sweet and degrading. In the end I think she really loves him, so more like netorase than netorare.

Some stuff I noticed regarding the editing:

1. In the original set, her dialogue to the BF is in red - you probably want to match the colour (and style) of the text when possible.

2. You've got the godsend of a textless CG set (aka no/minimal redrawing needed), but the lettering on page 2 and 3 is still incredibly basic. A messier/shakier font would be a better match for the sex dialogue (Expletive Deleted, CCWiccanSpecial, etc). I'd also redraw the text bubbles to fit the new text shape if needed.

3. Bby using the textless version, you've left out all the SFX from the set. Considering this set is a tiny 3/4 pages, translating the SFX wouldn't even be too much of an issue.

Base +7, Klaus trognitz -6, Nakama_P +6, SupaDupaMan2 +8, 44inf +6, Metrevil +7, GuroLover12 -12, Coledas Ukgent +7, Tempforhentai +6, Bopzor +7, 58569 +6, PervyYoungman +7, PinguPrin +7, and 3 more...

Also set your anti-aliasing to "Smooth" (your text is all jittery right now.)

Base +22, Coledas Ukgent +7, Tempforhentai +6, deth212 +6, 58569 +6, SupaDupaMan2 +8, wavedash +21

Netorase wins again

Base +6