I feel like I'm in a desert watching a man drown

Base +6, greendragon24 -7, Lin84210 +11

05: that should be my place, it's mine. => (redundant) / That should be my place, mine!
07: i won the victory => (redundant)
10: i gave him => i'm giving him
13: Stop going to suck so hard => Stop sucking so hard
16: i don't think i'll live to the end of the day and be sucked dry by them => i don't think i'll live to the end of the day, they're sucking me dry
17: Kirito~ want to cum, right? => Kirito~ wants to cum, right? / Kirito~ You want to cum, right?
21: This is much cum! => There is so much cum! / So much cum!
22: Is because => It's because
26: Who will save me~! => Someone save me~!

Base +8

Let's be honest...the real winner here was Liz, lol

@orasmase

All those mistakes are probably because it was the artist himself who translated it to English and they're Japanese, though I gotta say it's a surprisingly readable attempt despite that.

Base +10, elefat224 +7