Support 某国大統領
https://www.fanbox.cc/@hentai-president
https://fantia.jp/fanclubs/412794
https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/62588677
https://skeb.jp/@President_R18

and if ya have anything left support me if you wish
https://ko-fi.com/apasmara

I'm gonna be honest man, this is a bit rough. The editing's pretty much fine and it reads fine as well, but it's widely inaccurate. Like, you've embellished so much text and got so much stuff straight up wrong it's kinda hard to believe you're not using MTL or something. Especially since you've left most of the handwritten text untranslated. I mean, just look at page 8. The editing's there, the English is fine, but the Japanese is severely lacking and that's the grand majority of translating. Maybe consider just taking on an editing role until your Japanese improves.

Also accepting money for stuff like this when your stuff isn't up to snuff is a bit scummy aye. I'd hope you stop advertising your links.

Base +18, werefox22 +7, GuroLover12 -12, cybeast93 +22, flash11 +23, OMJay +6, Nyxtani +6, The bonker +6, 位2456 +6, SomeMan -6, H76NVa +5, 185484 +7, blararag +6, and 10 more...

seems like a rewrite

001
OG: んー
TL: "!"
ED: rewritten to punctuation

002
OG: ア…あれぇ？
TL: "?!"
ED: rewritten to punctuation

OG: 足太くっても体全部で押さえ込んじゃえば大したことないね！
TL: "Doesn't matter how strong your legs are, all we have to do is pin your torso to the ground and your legs become useless"
ED: she's not talking about pinning the big sister's torso to the ground, she means using her own body to prevent her big sister's legs from moving

005
OG: わーい わーい
TL: "!!"
ED: rewritten to punctuation

OG: ちからなーい♪
TL: "Too distracted to notice"
ED: this isn't narration, she's actually singing something

006
OG: クソッいくら子供でも２人同時は．．．勝ち誇りやがってッ
TL: "Shit! Even if they're kids, 2 at once is too much!"
ED: cut out 2nd part of the line where she's unhappy about how happy they are

007
OG: ダーメ♪
TL: "Pardon the intrusion!"
ED: this is a continuation of the prev bubble, she's saying the big sister isn't allowed to break the rules

OG: あなたは知らなくて大丈夫よ
TL: "You don't know what's a bra? Don't worry I'll tell you after this game!"
ED: she's just saying it's ok not to know

008
OG: こんなッ / 勝負じゃ / さわん / なッ / ア / ア / あっ / やめッ / バカアアア
TL: N/A

OG: 私さ / ゲームでも遊びでもずーっとおねーちゃんに負けてたじゃん
TL: "You have to follow the rules, onee-chan!" / "Whenever we play games you always win! No matter what game we play!"
ED: she doesn't talk about the rules at all

011
OG: イキそうなんですか〜？
TL: "Cum? Yeah, I'm...cumming! I'm gonna cum! I'm gonna..."
ED: wrong speaker

012
OG: そういうことか！！
TL: "Yeah! More! More!"
ED: this is her coming to an understanding

013
OG: さっさと負けろぉ…ッ
TL: "You can't beat me this time!"
ED: she's telling her to surrender quickly

OG: やばっ♥♥♥また…ッ真けっる♥無理やり負けさせッ♥♡負けッ♡イ♥
TL: "♥I'm going to lose!♥♥♥They're forcing me to lose!♥"
ED: not sure why there's a ring of "loser" rewritten around this. also this transitions into the unTLed bubbles next to it

014
OG: まだ負けたって言ってない♥
TL: "We have to follow the rules after all!♥"
ED: she's saying her big sister hasn't verbally given up

OG: あーあー
TL: "Aren't you happy onee-chan! You still have a chance!"
ED: made up text, she's reacting to something regrettable (directly related to next line)

OG: 聞こえなーい
TL: "After all, you still have your panties left...riiight onee-chan! ♥"
ED: made up text, she's talking about how her big sister isn't hearing anything

Base +32, Nyxtani +6, The bonker +6, garsi6 +6, SomeMan -6, H76NVa +5, DanRade +7, 185484 +7, blararag +6, TheKrister2 +6, Gralwer +6, jonnydept +7, milkguts +6, and 15 more...

Looks like that hard work is not that hard after all.

Base +6, 185484 +7, TheKrister2 +6, Ahegaosensei +6, milkguts +6, Seizen -6, kamisking +6, Jenkitsune +9, Mistra +13, glitcher998 +9, Entroop +6

@Apasmara_
My dude, if you wanna rewrite the dialogue to make it more "fappable" (or for whatever other reason) to you, then tag it as such.

In fact, now that you've given an explanation of your thought process, I think this can justifiably be tagged as a rewrite and not a translation.

Base +23, SomeMan -6, KaguraMutsuki +6, H76NVa +5, DanRade +7, CocoaRobbins +6, 185484 +7, Whoknowsidont +7, blararag +6, TheKrister2 +6, Beane +7, jonnydept +7, milkguts +6, and 12 more...

大腿如此粗壮却被两个小丫头这般羞辱！

Base +1, Herclus +2, porntemporal -7, Poe mk.II +6