03: beings the lived => (not a conjunction) / beings that lived / beings who lived 03: thieir => their 03: theyoung => the young 03: neighbouting => neighboring 03: startrd => started 03: prosparity => prosperity 04: drak => dark 04: (cleaning needed) 04: out ally => (not a possessive) / our ally 05: Citizen => (incoherent: plural needed) / Citizens 08: make any human that wears it obey my commands => (applicable to dark elves?) / make any person who wears it obey my commands 23: assult => assault 29: Lets have => Let's have
@orasmase Yeah it's not looking good... DSMH has a total of 9 projects under their belt according to their DLsite profile. From the samples of their TL of SHIS's work and this they make typos and mistakes that fluent English speakers usually don't make. In fact, if you search them up you find that they're a Sri Lankan group. All the other samples are mostly fine for the English, but I can't speak for how their quality is in completion. The silver lining is that DSMH has volunteered to translate all projects they've work on so far, so all proceeds go to the authors. Make of that what you will. If you want to take your chances you could contact them. Otherwise, chances of this being updated for corrections are slim as it might be subject to an approval process and it's already been released for several months.
Regardless, thanks for pointing these out. Hopefully, someone else will give it a good read to catch more mistakes and fix it up.