>Page 1: created on February 9, 2023
Yeah...

Original: https://e-hentai.org/g/874013/3d7430b2c0/

Base +7

Holy cow, this reads like a half-effort work at best.
pg2: You could have just put the effort from the TN into typesetting the translated text. And "can you get it" is poor wording for "wakaru". "Can you get it in just two pages?" sounds like asking if someone can actually obtain something.
>led by the semen tank Jeanne, Marduk, are clashing!
That's not how commas are used. That sentence just is confusing as it is written.
>"The virus she carries is able to transform into a futanari not just girls, but males too!"
There's a number of things wrong with this sentence. First, pair nouns. If you use "girls", use "boys" or "guys". If you're gonna use males, use "females". Man and woman. That sort of thing. It's clunky otherwise. Also, the guys and girls subject of the verb "to transform" should be before the object of "futanari". Sentence should be something like "The virus she carries is able to transform not just women, but even men into futanari!"
>"I really want to some of lil' Hiveridge's spunk, ya kno'..." ...wut? He wants to what? Or he just wants the spunk, so the "to" shouldn't even be there?

That's from the first page alone, and without even comparing to the original, just some basic English stuff that would be caught by any proofreader.

Base +7

@theamdrag
I don't have a proofreader or anybody I can ask to be, so inevitably some errors slip through.
Admittedly this time there are more than usual. I'll see if I can fix them in the coming days.
I disagree on some of the things you reported on style, though.

Base +7

@uninterestingname - That's fine, practice makes perfect.

And I do enjoy this author's style. It's unique.

Base +6

Part 3: here

Part 2: https://e-hentai.org/g/2372769/03ed1df9d7/

Part 1: https://e-hentai.org/g/2095652/ffa8b753bf/

Base +6, Nlkfma +11, Der Fuhrer +10