Follow me on twitter: https://twitter.com/philontr
RAW: https://e-hentai.org/g/2667013/c684190727/
Attached the new toys from Tamatoys collaboration with Santa. I don't have the links to those.

Artist info + Store links:
Twitter: https://twitter.com/kinsanta
Pixiv: https://www.pixiv.net/en/users/73381
Fanbox: https://b5zampuw.fanbox.cc/
Skeb: https://skeb.jp/@kinsanta

That was quick, even got two translations on the same day. This one reads better though

Base +6, philoer +10, froggie1234 -6, Amauri14 +6, herpderp5545 +8, BFBK +6, Pessimistic Turtle -6

Thanks for your hard work translating and typesetting this doujin, this artist is always great. I've got a few grammar / punctuation corrections and suggestions here, though, if it helps:

----- p3 -----

These costumes where expensive!
> These costumes were expensive!

Note: Wrong word.

so he special order them...
> so he special ordered them...

Note: Should be past-tense to match the rest of the dialogue.

----- p4 -----

High School Girls wearing Bunny girl outfits
> High school girls wearing bunny girl outfits

Note: This one's really pedantic and you might've capitalized those words to match the title, so feel free to ignore this if it was intentional.

And not only!
> And not only that!

Note: Sounds more natural with 'that' on the end.

We have these girlfriends, that we can do whatever we want with...
> We have these girlfriends that we can do whatever we want with...

Note: Comma is not necessary here.

To not get those dirty would be... NOT POSSIBLE!
> To not get them dirty would be... IMPOSSIBLE!

Note: The sentence technically sounds awkward with the double-negative... However, keeping it as "not get them dirty" (rather than "keeping these clean") to match the dialogue on the first page is better. Therefore, I believe that "impossible" on the end sounds better than "not possible" so that you aren't using 'not' twice in a row. Also I believe that 'them' sounds slightly better than 'those' here, but I can't really explain why...

----- p5 -----

You have such a cute face... And you smell so good
> You have such a cute face... And you smell so good!

Note: Need some punctuation at the end of this line.

Your small and tight pussy too!
> Your small and tight pussy, too!

Note: You'll almost always want a comma before a 'too' at the end of a line. But also, I think this line feels a bit out of place as is... With 'too' at the end, it implies a connection to the line(s) before it, sorta implying that her pussy smells good, too...? I'm not 100% sure what the original text was going for, but I think it would sound more natural as "Your pussy is so small and tight, too!".

----- p6 -----

It's your fault Akira.
> It's your fault, Akira.

Note: You'll also almost always want a comma before a name at the end of a line.

-Time Spent having sex: 13 Hours.
> -Time spent having sex: 13 hours
or
> -Time Spent Having Sex: 13 hours

Note: Your capitalization with all of these lines is pretty inconsistent. I believe you'll want to either capitalize every word (like you've done with "Endurance Foreplay" and "Continuous Forced Orgasms" later on) or only capitalize the first word (like you've done with "Time spent having sex" and "Amount of semen ejaculated" later on), so you can consider this note as applying to every line of this type.

Also, I don't believe that any of these lines should have a period at the end (since they aren't full sentences) buuut that's admittedly just being pedantic.

----- p7 -----

Sorry If you won't be able to sit down for some days.
> Sorry if you won't be able to sit down for a few days.

Note: 'If' shouldn't be capitalized unless you add punctuation after the 'sorry', and 'a few days' sounds more natural.

Hey now, today you're a bunny, right?
> Hey now, you're a bunny today, right?

Note: This one's really pedantic, and I can't even really explain why, but I think that 'you're a bunny today' sounds slightly better. Feel free to ignore this if you don't agree. lol

----- p9 -----

I'm going to get teased...
Sure, do it...
Tease me...?

Note: There's no grammatical issues with these lines, my issue is that I, as a reader, am not sure what she's trying to say... Particularly, the third line. Is she asking for it? Or is she just asking when he'll start teasing? Is it supposed to sound like she doesn't want to be teased with the first two lines, but then changes to asking for it with the third? I don't really have enough context to say what would sound better without guessing, unfortunately, especially since her expression is pretty vague as well. Maybe just changing the third line to "Aren't you going to tease me...?" would suffice.

Continuous Forced Orgasms: 24.
> -Continuous Forced Orgasms: 24

and

Times Squirted: 4.
> -Times Squirted: 4

Note: I believe these lines should have the dash at the start as well, to be consistent with the rest.

----- p10 -----

Mental Reasoning: Collapsed.
> -Mental Reasoning: Collapsed

Note: Adding the dash, same as above.

I'm sorry,,, I can't stop my hips.
> I'm sorry... I can't stop my hips.

Note: The commas should be periods.

Sato Takashi
-Times Ejaculated: ????

Note: In this case in particular, you've capitalized this one fully ("Times Ejaculated") but not the others ("Times ejaculated"), so same advice as before to choose one way and stick with it. And unrelated, but I can't help but wonder why this guy's name is listed while the other two guys aren't. lol

----- p11 -----

And the heroines will be bunny girls on this collaboration!
> And the heroines will be bunny girls in this collaboration!
or
> And the heroines will be bunny girls for this collaboration!

Note: Either "in" or "for" sounds slightly better here than "on". Also, technically the entire message would sound more natural as "There's an upcoming collaboration with Tamatoys to create Onaholes of the Hypnosis Girlfriends, and the heroines will be bunny girls in it!". However, people don't always speak or type perfectly naturally, especially when they're excited about something, so this can obviously be ignored if your line is closer what the Author wrote in the original language.

Now, it's not as if they asked me to make em bunny girls for the colab...
> Now, it's not as if they specifically asked me to make 'em bunny girls for the collab...

Note: Needs an apostrophe with 'em' and fixing 'collab'. Also, adding the word 'specifically' might be a bit presumptuous, but I believe it conveys the intended message a bit more clearly.

It would make me so happy if you enjoyed them, however they're dressed!
> It would make me so happy if you enjoyed them however they're dressed!

Note: No comma needed here.

This... ended up being more than 'a few', I guess, huh... Sorry, hope you don't mind.

Last edited on 07 September 2023, 11:01.

Base +6, CainLord +17, Amauri14 +6, AzureTime +6, Azriel_Satan +6, BFBK +6, Megaton +45, Cat Megex +9, Aihara_Enju +11, herpderp5545 +8, Draw99Gray +18, jake1237 +7

Thanks! Any plan for Kanojo Saimin 2 ?

Base +6, Henrey +6

Xerxes555555,
kek says the one coming to this place.

Base +11