04: should have ended of the Lumen Histoire
- preposition inapplicable with verb form => should have ended Lumen Histoire / should have been the end of Lumen Histoire
05: it's compatibility that's the only factor
- redundant => compatibility is the only factor
06: you could do to
- enough room in the bubble for no breaking words
06: It wouldn't be bad... Play
- preposition missing? => It wouldn't be bad... to play
07: Look to you! => Look at you!
09: it's purpose is
- possessive => its purpose is
11: was a pussy feels like => what a pussy feels like
12: you full
- verb missing => you're full
13: the conflict of both guilds => the conflict between both guilds
13: a new beginning in family ties => a family ties a new beginning
13: Berselion
- https://fairytail.fandom.com/wiki/Irene_Belserion => Belserion
13: ... Taught [...] ... Wished
- explicit subject => ... She taught [...] ... She wished
13: his nature [...] their daughter [...] his redemption => her nature [...] her daughter [...] her redemption
13: heat and cold mutual feeling before their daughter
- nonsense
13: such a spell corrupted
- missing object complement
13: affection [...] vanishes anger => affection [...] replaces anger
14: It's true!
- wrong meaning => That's right!
15: your safe
- verb => you're safe
15: worst than
- comparative => worse than
15: tight little whole => tight little hole
19: tigth => tight
19: garjeel
- https://fairytail.fandom.com/wiki/Gajeel_Redfox?so=search => Gajeel

Also, punctuation is lacking. And inconsistent typesetting towards the end.

Base +9, brian10103 -6, DarkLight211 +7

This is the artist's English version, I did not translate it.
You can always report the problems to him.
Have good day.

Base +5, DianaPrince +11

I do not anything about Fairy Tail - almost anything - but Erza is a kind of common knowledge for people who likes anime and/or manga. So reading a story with her losing control is fine for me. Nice artwork, by the way.

Base +30, DianaPrince +11, akiyuki -18, Bombum +1

As long as i get Lucy sex i don't mind about the grammar.

Base +6