I tagged it as Translated, the tag also appeared, but on the left side is somehow listed as Rewrite. It should be listed as Translated, can somebody fix that?

Base +6, DocStar +6, lvgrch +6, Gentleman Chimera +8

Assuming this is accurately translated, which is a big assumption, you should really get a native English speaker to review your work. This reads like an MTL from 2008.

Base +6, Optitron +15, Gentleman Chimera +8, the dru one +7, NeBuR1997 +6, SuperKamiWalrus +6

It stopped being fun when he removed her emotions and turned her into a mindless doll. Submission is at it's best when she willingly gives in and devotes herself to the dominant. It's something that's always bothered me about the mind control stuff but that's just my opinion. Great art though.

Base +7, PeanutOmelette +6, DessertBox -6, linkfai +6, HeavierAnchor +2, repeatedmeme +10

003
OG: 魔祓い師・蘭奈が告げるーーー
TL: "I, Ranna the Exorcist..."
ED: you cut out the verb here which changes the way she delivers these lines

OG: 迷える御魂に救済の光を！
TL: "...Is here to brings light of salvation to these lost souls!"
ED: missing detail, lost souls of the deceased

004
OG: 何かあってからでは遅いんです
TL: "Too late for excuses."
ED: she's not talking about any excuses

OG: その後はお家でしっかり怒られてください
TL: "I'll be sure to scold you after."
ED: she's not doing any of the scolding

005
OG: 子どもたちの言葉が本当なら
TL: "If those boys' words are true"
ED: not "boys"

006
OG: あの子たちのお友達でしょうか？
TL: "Are you friends with those boys?"
ED: not "boys" and she's not speaking aloud, this is internal monologue

008
OG: この妖気…まちがいない
TL: "This is...there is no doubt"
ED: she actually thinks what "this" is

011
OG: だからさっきからこっそり溜めてる魔力もこうすれば…
TL: "And I can even do this with the magical power you has[sic] been accumulating since a while ago"
ED: he's not telling her about what he can do, he's about to explain what happens when he does this

014
OG: 柔らかくって気持ちいい～♪
TL: N/A

OG: せっかくだからおねーさんからもしてほしいな♡
TL: "I want you to service me too"
ED: he gives his reasoning too

015
OG: また身体が…
TL: "Why is my body..."
ED: she's not asking why, she's noticing that it's happening again

016
OG: ねぇもっと気持ちよくしてくれる？
TL: "So, can you make me feel good?"
ED: not just "good"

etc

---

002 "I, Ranna the Exorcist is here to brings light of salvation..."
010 "I doesn't want to"
011 "you has been"
011 "since a while ago"
017 "soft and fluff breasts"
018 "so many [cum]"
020 "you were really enjoy"
021 "if you becomes"
021 "do so many fun stuff"
027 "you feels so good"

etc

---

Base +38, cutegyaru +29, VITA135 -3

there is no anal in this

"Remember the presence rule."

Base +7, Roxolan +6, GreenEyes2205 +7, LssRhr +5