My twitter - https://x.com/Sintet6?t=A6QbmkcdS0ra3CpRspo_lw&s=09

Is English not your first language?

Base +7, Chainjailhunter +6

pages 11 and 12 seem in wrong order, just need to be swapped

Base +6

Thanks, i changed pages

yep, English is not my native language :∆

if you see any errors, please let me know about them

Base +5, Mitroyah +7, Derra +6

@Sintet

"necklace" -> "choker"

"how big are her breasts for such a small girl" -> "her breasts are huge for such a small girl"

"Oh, her ass is bigger than her own head..." -> "Oh wow, and her ass is bigger than her own head"

"It's unlikely that my dick will fit into her" -> "I doubt my dick could fit in her"

"Her ass..." - is this a continuation of the previous bubble or a separate thought? If it's a continuation, it could fit in the previous buble if you move the text up a bit, if it's a separate thought, then -> "What an ass..."

"Damn if I don't cum my balls will explode... Haa" -> "Damn, if I don't cum soon my balls will explode... Haa"

"I hope at least these pants don't tear" -> "I just hope these pants don't tear"

"chm chm" - don't know what sound that's supposed to represent, may be a language difference in onomatopoeia.

"E? E" -> "Eh? Eh?"

"Let me order you something?" -> "Mind if I order you a drink?"

After some thought, it seems like we're supposed to read "They say only scaaary guys drink it" before "It's possible", but normal reading order would indicate readers to read "It's possible haha" first. I'd recommend moving the speech bubbles so the read-order flows better.

"drinking from some stranger" -> "drinking with some stranger"

"I doubt this is not a problem" -> "I don't think that'll be a problem" also was that all intended to be said by Dale? As in, was he answering his own question, or was that bubble or the "Hmm" bubble supposed to be coming from Nekovu?

"It's quite strong for you, so drink cautiously" -> "It'll be quite strong for you, so drink carefully"

"drink" -> "drank"

"Aaal!?" -> "Aaall!?"

"Something's swimming around..." -> did you mean one specific thing? If not, "Everything's swimming around..."

"I'll be return soon" -> "I'll be back soon"

"Although you don't have to wait" -> "Although, you don't have to wait"

"I can see you've lost your head" -> Not sure what this means, but if it means something to the tune of "sexually attracted" then a current-slang version would be "I can see you're down bad"

"But that's still not enough" -> "But it's still not enough"

"Cyah" -> "Kyah"

"How long" -> "So long"

"But I can't think straight if I just leave everything like this" -> "But I just can't think straight if I leave everything like this"

"Whats this" "What is it" "Why is it here" "... But does it really matter?" -> "What's this?" "What is it?" "Why is it here?" "... Does it really matter?"

"I want drinking it" "I want to drink it"

"This is a smell..." -> "This smell..."

"Yee" -> possibly a typo, did you mean "Yes"? Or possibly "Yeees"?

Base +7, Chainjailhunter +6, rs-1472 +7, ADIN0 +6, Anubert +6

@Pedrobeartimon

Big thanks :]

Base +5

Good start! But you might change category to western, doujinshi only applies to Japanese stuff and people frown upon that

Base +7

@taith
Sorry, one minute
By the way, I have already finished this part, and tomorrow I will publish the last three pages, and a continuation will also be published in the style of my past works

strange, I can’t change the category, I don’t know if this can be fixed somehow, but I wouldn’t want to delete this manga and re-publish it

Looks like my manga is now under both categories

Base +5

Great stuff.

Base +6

is this still ongoing?

Base +6

@hentailover223
Maybe ~~~

Base +5