"I will try to translate this whole series if I have time"

Buddy, there's a lot of people cheering you on in this

Base +6, Jaberwak +6, fsadz +6, NewhalfIsMale +10, shunsad +6, ChronoStriker1 -10

Cool man, this work is great and translate at english. I hope see the rest.

Pd. Sorry for my english

Base +6, Fr33sh00t -6, cthulhudicks -6, PsychicDoom -6, ChronoStriker1 -10

Bro, you need an editor. I'll admit my Japanese is bad, but I am a native English speaker. So I'll point out some grammatical errors and strange word choices.

Pg. 2
"I need to change my clothes. I have to go to the dressing room quickly to get dressed."
very formal. He's panicking not Robert Downey Jr's Sherlock Holmes.

"Is this here now!? Well, It's here, I guess."
what is "this", a pizza? He's trying to hide a secret

pg. 4
"Come on, put your uniform back on."
He's trying to get his uniform back in this case. You've written it like he's being told to do it.

"Water drips down the head and wets my shirt making it transparent"
I didn't realize he's thinking in exposition mode.

Pg. 5
"Untie the shoulder strap first, from below too."
I've never seen a bra with tied shoulder straps. You slip off the shoulder straps and unhook the back of the bra.

"I didn't even look at it, but it looks like he's a guy with breasts"
Who's thinking here, the protagonist or someone else?

Pg. 6
"Sure Enough, It still doesn't work"
What doesn't work, unclear english.

"In the rooftop."
Protag died because he decided to burrow into to the concrete and was left with no oxygen.

Pg. 8
"You have to use female voice moans for me"
female voice moans... what? This is a threat not a guide on arousing his fellow student.

Pg. 10
"The leaves on your skirt are all wet. What's it like?
They're pleats. He's wearing a pleated skirt.

The translation needs work from both an editing perspective and a word choice perspective. The flow is poor and your word tense seems to switch around. The bottom of page 5 is a cluster fuck. Please get an editor...

Last edited on 21 April 2024, 23:20.

Base +6, LOLLING IN THE DEEP +6, MagicalJuko +6, cthulhudicks +6

thank you for your feedback! @tomahawk9
im not an english native speaker and i was translating from chinese, that's why the text is not very well translated. my lack of experience clearly shows. but ill try to improve regardless

Base +3, Accdump +6, Erfrbn +6

Honestly, more translators need this sort of humility. Do what you can while acknowledging your mistakes and strive to be better and even make the needed corrections.

Base +6

001
OG: 学校での着替えには気をつかう
TL: "Pay special attention when changing clothes at school"
ED: this is about himself, he is careful when changing clothes at school

OG: 何故なら義妹に
TL: "Because of my sister"
ED: stepsister. the Chinese TL removes this detail

002
OG: トイレで着替えないと
TL: "I need to change my clothes. I have to go to the dressing room quickly to get dressed"
ED: he's going to the bathroom, the Chinese TL has this right (洗手間)

OG: お前ら～っ！！ハンガーラック借りてきたから
TL: "I'm asking you to put your clothes here, so come on!!"
ED: he's announcing that he borrowed a clothing rack. the Chinese TL got this right (你們啊~!!這衣架我借過來了)

OG: 空き教室でまとめて干すそうだ
TL: "Then put them back on in a free classroom"
ED: he's saying they'll be drying in an empty classroom. the Chinese TL got this right (然後放到空閒的教室裡去)

OG: しかたない…
TL: N/A

004
OG: 先
TL: 老
ED: he's calling out to his teacher. you left it as truncated Chinese

OG: 早く制服を
TL: "Come on, put your uniform back on"
ED: he's thinking to himself, he needs to get his uniform back

005
OG: あとは制服を取り返せば
TL: "Take what I picked up and bring it back."
ED: he's saying he just needs to get his uniform back now. the Chinese TL got this right (接下來只要把我的制服拿回來)

OG: ブラ持ってるし
TL: "Because there is a bra"
ED: he's not saying that he needs to cover up because of the bra. he's saying he can't cover up because he's holding the bra. the Chinese TL is confusing (因為有胸罩) but you aren't connecting the thoughts properly

OG: 大丈夫男の胸が透けても
TL: "I didn't even look at it, but it looks like he's a guy with breasts"
ED: this line is made up. he's talking about himself and he's saying it's fine if his chest is visible because he's a guy. the Chinese TL is also right (都是男人看看胸也沒啥吧)

etc

Base +38, Th3 Sl0th +6, wintermute +15, Erfrbn +6