Hi all, been writing fanfic for a while and decided to try my hand at a story I've been thinking of.

Thanks to AI I can add some life to it.

I have this entire universe in my head for this, so hopefully I can bring it to life.

This is my first try at posting image based stories and I'm still getting used to image editors.

I hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think! All characters are over 21 years old.

If you want to follow me:
https://www.patreon.com/c/bartoon
https://www.subscribestar.com/bartoon (still under review, will most likely change)

Don't quit your day job.

Base +6, seenthat +9, Hongfire +6, SRGN210 -6

Show dont tell dud, kinda feels like its missing the first part

Base +6, SRGN210 -6

I don't want to sound mean but I ain't smart enough for that.

This is a story?
All this is, is a bunch of semi-related pics with words on them. You could swap the order of every pic and it would remain just as coherent. And the "story" could be swapped around almost as freely, and you would get the same level of coherence.

I have seen better stories with far more cohesion, in nested caption memes than this.

This is barely decent for vanilla porn, let alone for a gender bender, a mind break, moral degen. These three require setup for it to mean anything, let alone be it.

On top of that, I do not know it this was on purpose or not, but the whole, SURPRISE!!! She used to be a boy! Almost NEVER goes over well. It pisses off the people who were tricked into thinking it was vanilla (no tags are not enough, they get misused and wrongly applied all the time and loads of people never pay attention to them) and it pisses off the people who were expecting a gender change. People already get angry about the transformations happening off screen and before the story even starts. Even when it is announced on page 1. They will be even less happy getting blue balled.

And then the story itself. >=(
What were you even trying for? I mean, *I* know what you were "trying" for, but I have read enough different stories to be a major library by myself. To the vast majority of people, you don't actually have a story here. You have a bunch of useless flirting for 90% of your text and nothing connecting one page to the next. You would have been better off saying this was a collection of images you had made than saying it was a "story."

And then the AI. I personally do not care if AI art is used. But if you think this is really any better than a bunch of stick figures, you are sorely mistaken. At least stick figures would have been endearing. This use is just being a different kind of lazy.

My overall judgement, I see no effort. You have done nothing noteworthy. You didn't even screw up bad enough to be noteworthy. You are D+ mediocre. The perfect kind of mediocre that merely hits my personal pet peeves. Otherwise, I would have never bothered with saying anything.

Base +7, zepher6 +8, SRGN210 -6