Could use a more readable font and there are some typos here and there. Other than that? A lot more refined than the usual copy/paste MTL you see around here, but the wording still feels a little stiff. A good majority of the text is internal monologue, but it doesn't read like it. Iron that out and you'd probably silence the mouth breathers here. Hah who am I kidding, they'd find something else to complain about. Also ditch the watermark on every single page. Tacky as hell.